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Back at the kindergarten I started taking a liking to this girl. My older brother had told me that if two people like each other they reveal their genitals to each other and "fuck". I thought it made sense and decided to give it a shot. So one day during recess I walk up to this girl and ask her to show me her genitals, she refuses. I become extremely upset and start yelling "If you like me you have to show your genitals!". One kindergarten teacher hears this and starts paying attention to us, unbeknownst to me. I start crying and reveal my own genitals and say that "We have to fuck now.". At this point I notice the teacher running in my direction.
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."
"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.
"Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Are you religious?"
He said: "Yes."
I said: "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
"Christian."
"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"
He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."
I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.
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Jesus walks into a motel, throws a bag of nails on the counter and says: "Can you put me up for the night?"
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Why are Jewish men circumcised?
Because no Jewish woman will touch anything that's not at least twenty percent off.
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My doctor gave me six months to live. When I told him I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six more months.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Parachute training in the army: Guy comes back from his first flight trying to make his first jump.
His friend says, "Well, how did it go?"
He says, "Oh, it was really scary. I was the last one 'cause I couldn't go first. So, I was last in line, and everybody was jumping and I'm getting seriously scared. And finally it's my turn and I'm holding on and I say, 'I can't do it, I can't jump, I can't.'
And the sergeant barks at me, 'If you don't jump, I'm gonna fuck you up the ass!'"
His friend says, "Did you jump?"
He says, "A little at first."
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A guy goes to his doctor. The doctor says, "Look, I don't know how to tell you this, but you've just got to stop masturbating!"
The guys says, "Why?"
The doctor says, "So I can examine you!"
Back at the kindergarten I started taking a liking to this girl. My older brother had told me that if two people like each other they reveal their genitals to each other and "fuck". I thought it made sense and decided to give it a shot. So one day during recess I walk up to this girl and ask her to show me her genitals, she refuses. I become extremely upset and start yelling "If you like me you have to show your genitals!". One kindergarten teacher hears this and starts paying attention to us, unbeknownst to me. I start crying and reveal my own genitals and say that "We have to fuck now.". At this point I notice the teacher running in my direction.
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