iwashere
Member
- Jun 2, 2025
- 43
this might come off borderline narcissistic and psychopathic, i don't know haha. i've had insane tunnel vision towards suicide so maybe that's clouding my ability to view other perspectives, but it's really unfortunate that people care about you and no matter what if you kill yourself people are gonna feel some type of way, because at this point i don't really care about leaving them lol all i've done was stay for the last 10 years im ready to kick rocks tf
what used to be the only reason to stay (other people) has now just morphed into "i'm broke so i can't buy a gun and i'm absolutely not jumping off of a building or hanging myself." i need it quick. everytime i go to a friends house i always ask if they can show me their guns. or when i pick up weed off my plug i hope he asks me to smoke w him because ik he got that switch on him
the funniest part is they'd never suspect i took it from them. if you guys knew me in person you'd understand exactly what im saying, but if their gun went missing they would never in a million years even think about texting me "did you take me gun?" even if i was the last person to see it because it just sounds soooo outlandish. i'd just get a job as a cna but im a lazy fucking dork loser pig so everytime i tell myself "last day hitting ur cart" i end out hitting it the next morning. i'll stop by the end of this month though because im kinda itching to just save up for a one way ticket to greece, travel around europe and then shoot myself at the end. I've done just about everything i care to do, atleast by that point i would have:
*Work in a hospital (cna)
*get a boyfriend (finally did last year but we broke up awhile ago)
*go to europe (by this point in time i would have)
*go somewhere tropical and beachy that's not mexico ((nothing against mexico i've literally just been going every year since i was like 6. family is mexican/black.))(went to brazil twice)
*college experience (went for a semester and a half then i got raped and harassed by these two girls who robbed $450 worth of stuff from my dorm and sent vids of me after the fact highly intoxicated around the school and dropped out lol)
*get a dog (my corgi)
*graduate something (high school lol)
*wear scrubs (cna class!!)
*find hobbies that are YOU (gym, yoga, pilates, depop, thrifting, movies)
*go cliff jumping
***KILL MYSELF!!***
push comes to shove i've also always wanted to go skydiving. maybe i just won't open the parachute. At the very least i wouldn't worry about surviving considering you're essentially dead on impact, which takes away my fear of feeling pain before you die.
i don't know, just some thoughts lol
what used to be the only reason to stay (other people) has now just morphed into "i'm broke so i can't buy a gun and i'm absolutely not jumping off of a building or hanging myself." i need it quick. everytime i go to a friends house i always ask if they can show me their guns. or when i pick up weed off my plug i hope he asks me to smoke w him because ik he got that switch on him the funniest part is they'd never suspect i took it from them. if you guys knew me in person you'd understand exactly what im saying, but if their gun went missing they would never in a million years even think about texting me "did you take me gun?" even if i was the last person to see it because it just sounds soooo outlandish. i'd just get a job as a cna but im a lazy fucking dork loser pig so everytime i tell myself "last day hitting ur cart" i end out hitting it the next morning. i'll stop by the end of this month though because im kinda itching to just save up for a one way ticket to greece, travel around europe and then shoot myself at the end. I've done just about everything i care to do, atleast by that point i would have:*Work in a hospital (cna)
*get a boyfriend (finally did last year but we broke up awhile ago)
*go to europe (by this point in time i would have)
*go somewhere tropical and beachy that's not mexico ((nothing against mexico i've literally just been going every year since i was like 6. family is mexican/black.))(went to brazil twice)
*college experience (went for a semester and a half then i got raped and harassed by these two girls who robbed $450 worth of stuff from my dorm and sent vids of me after the fact highly intoxicated around the school and dropped out lol)
*get a dog (my corgi)
*graduate something (high school lol)
*wear scrubs (cna class!!)
*find hobbies that are YOU (gym, yoga, pilates, depop, thrifting, movies)
*go cliff jumping
***KILL MYSELF!!***
push comes to shove i've also always wanted to go skydiving. maybe i just won't open the parachute. At the very least i wouldn't worry about surviving considering you're essentially dead on impact, which takes away my fear of feeling pain before you die.
i don't know, just some thoughts lol
