AMorteVivente
The void is only scary until you truly suffer
- Mar 15, 2020
- 42
Okay, so there is no assisted suicide in my country, and that means I will have to find a way to kill myself on my own. That being said, I talked with my psych yesterday and he told me I would need to make my doctors (GP, psych, and emergency services) aware about my Do Not Resuscitate order. I sent an email to DMD (a spanish euthanasia organization) and they told me they would check to see if that's possible where I live. I am not going to take a no for an answer regardless of what they say, but it would be a lot better if there was no way for them to "save me" (which would defeat the purpose of me trying to kill myself). The worst part about dying for me is having to deal with a bunch of idiots trying to "save you" even when you clearly told them it's not their call.
I have spent 7 years passively suicidal. I will never stop thinking about killing myself because my decision to die it's not due to a mental illness but about a personal choice to die. As some of you, I suffer from a severe case of Anhedonia and chances are it will never be fixed (even my psych told me it's hard to fix). Besides, I am a NEET, and not exactly the kind of person that has a future anyways. Before you think "but you are affected by a mental illness", know there is nothing they can do to truly fix my mental health issues, so that discussion leads nowhere.
With that out of the way, I am still trying to decide which method to choose. SN seems like the likeliest way to go, but I am not in a rush to die (as I can always continue to sleep most of the day like I do nowadays and waste the rest of the day, and then rinse and repeat every day). After all, this is a conscious decision, not an emotional one.
For now, I am giving PpeH and Nutech time to finish their suicide methods and make sure they do work in the right conditions. It's my birthday today, which makes me remember my birthdays are usually memories of myself spending the whole day wanting to die.
I have spent 7 years passively suicidal. I will never stop thinking about killing myself because my decision to die it's not due to a mental illness but about a personal choice to die. As some of you, I suffer from a severe case of Anhedonia and chances are it will never be fixed (even my psych told me it's hard to fix). Besides, I am a NEET, and not exactly the kind of person that has a future anyways. Before you think "but you are affected by a mental illness", know there is nothing they can do to truly fix my mental health issues, so that discussion leads nowhere.
With that out of the way, I am still trying to decide which method to choose. SN seems like the likeliest way to go, but I am not in a rush to die (as I can always continue to sleep most of the day like I do nowadays and waste the rest of the day, and then rinse and repeat every day). After all, this is a conscious decision, not an emotional one.
For now, I am giving PpeH and Nutech time to finish their suicide methods and make sure they do work in the right conditions. It's my birthday today, which makes me remember my birthdays are usually memories of myself spending the whole day wanting to die.
