Venting It's always one more thing

[derpyderpins]

. . . I got in an accident this morning. 100% my fault. Zoned out and didn't hit my breaks fast enough. No injuries. Car needs some work but will be fine. (NEW car. Never had an accident of course it would happen with the new car.) I hate myself so much. I'm ashamed and horribly embarrassed.

I can't do anything right, and everything just keeps adding up. I'm no good and no help to anyone. One thing after another over and over.

I've said it before but it warrants repeating. It's so, so very hard to build something up in life, and it can fall apart just like that. So fast, it tumbles down.

I know I'm overreacting in the grand scheme of things but I just can't take anymore right now.

 

[greencondo]

nah, it feels pretty terrible. It's pretty reasonable to have strong emotions after a big adrenaline event and an accident. Plus an accident like that feels really bad, it sucks. You have my sympathies on that.

In addition to the fact that cars were pushed/forced on us in a lot of ways and cause a lot of aggravations.
disclaimer on the car specific rant: I already was resentful of cars and have been a big fan of pedestrian friendly focus cities/areas.

 

[derpyderpins]

nah, it feels pretty terrible. It's pretty reasonable to have strong emotions after a big adrenaline event and an accident. Plus an accident like that feels really bad, it sucks. You have my sympathies on that.

In addition to the fact that cars were pushed/forced on us in a lot of ways and cause a lot of aggravations.
disclaimer on the car specific rant: I already was resentful of cars and have been a big fan of pedestrian friendly focus cities/areas.

what are you saying "nah" to?

 

[idontfeellikeimreal]

. . . I got in an accident this morning. 100% my fault. Zoned out and didn't hit my breaks fast enough. No injuries. Car needs some work but will be fine. (NEW car. Never had an accident of course it would happen with the new car.) I hate myself so much. I'm ashamed and horribly embarrassed.

I can't do anything right, and everything just keeps adding up. I'm no good and no help to anyone. One thing after another over and over.

I've said it before but it warrants repeating. It's so, so very hard to build something up in life, and it can fall apart just like that. So fast, it tumbles down.

I know I'm overreacting in the grand scheme of things but I just can't take anymore right now.

I don't think you are overreacting, your emotions are valid and it is okay. We learn from mistakes, the most important thing is that nothing happened to you or anyone else that was involved.
You got this!

 

[Traveller12724]

. . . I got in an accident this morning. 100% my fault. Zoned out and didn't hit my breaks fast enough. No injuries. Car needs some work but will be fine. (NEW car. Never had an accident of course it would happen with the new car.) I hate myself so much. I'm ashamed and horribly embarrassed.

I can't do anything right, and everything just keeps adding up. I'm no good and no help to anyone. One thing after another over and over.

I've said it before but it warrants repeating. It's so, so very hard to build something up in life, and it can fall apart just like that. So fast, it tumbles down.

I know I'm overreacting in the grand scheme of things but I just can't take anymore right now.

You are very wrong about you being "no good and no help to anyone", I have read a lot of threads on here where you gave people some really good solid useful advice and so much compassion, don't be too hard on yourself, if that was someone else on here you would be compassionate towards them, so be a little compassionate towards yourself too. I am truly sorry things haven't been working out in life for you in life but a lot of people appreciate and admire the help and compassion you provide other users on here.

 

[SoDone]

nah, it feels pretty terrible. It's pretty reasonable to have strong emotions after a big adrenaline event and an accident. Plus an accident like that feels really bad, it sucks. You have my sympathies on that.

In addition to the fact that cars were pushed/forced on us in a lot of ways and cause a lot of aggravations.
disclaimer on the car specific rant: I already was resentful of cars and have been a big fan of pedestrian friendly focus cities/areas.

I wish cities were more pedestrian friendly/had better public transport. I'm being pushed to learn how to drive and I'm genuinely terrified of it. Driving seems like stimulation overload and possible accidents everywhere, I dread it.

Also, to the original post, I think it could have been a lot worse, thankfully no one got hurt. Your reaction is normal just take it easy on yourself, no one is perfect.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I'm saying this from a place of "good". Matthew's Effects (pretty much what you are describing) is having constant negative things and outcomes the majority of the time. Even when I drive to animal sanctuary I try to let off steam with heavy metal/rock. It makes no sense as the music is on full blast but I'm driving the speed limit and I'm extremely passive on driving (I don't get annoyed if someone overtakes me if I'm doing the speed limit, etc).

Maybe just take it easy when the day starts off complete shite. Being desensitised, zoning out, etc is probably the worst things if you are driving a 1 tonnes piece of metal around.

That's not to say the general population don't do these sorts of things. I've had my car hit from people opening their doors (while parked) 4 times this week. Children and adults. Useless cunts but they obviously don't care. If you replaced me car area with say one of their pets I bet they wouldn't swing open the door but nobody has any decorum anymore.

Side note: cars are just from getting from A to B. At one point I had a nice car but I'd be so anxious and nervous from the way others were driving around me. I had one nice person reverse and rip off my bumper at a golf driving range. Only noticed it the day after as it was night and the car was black. Gave up a long time ago about looking after the car. As long as it works mechanically I couldn't care less.

 

[derpyderpins]

I wish cities were more pedestrian friendly/had better public transport. I'm being pushed to learn how to drive and I'm genuinely terrified of it. Driving seems like stimulation overload and possible accidents everywhere, I dread it.

Also, to the original post, I think it could have been a lot worse, thankfully no one got hurt. Your reaction is normal just take it easy on yourself, no one is perfect.

No need to be afraid of driving. I've been driving over a decade and never had an accident until today. You have to be really stupid and inattentive to do what I did. It's probably in part because I've been so stressed and without sleep. Of course, that makes it more stupid because I should've been extra careful.

You are very wrong about you being "no good and no help to anyone", I have read a lot of threads on here where you gave people some really good solid useful advice and so much compassion, don't be too hard on yourself, if that was someone else on here you would be compassionate towards them, so be a little compassionate towards yourself too. I am truly sorry things haven't been working out in life for you in life but a lot of people appreciate and admire the help and compassion you provide other users on here.

I appreciate you saying that. I know you're right that I need to be more fair to myself. My brain just rejects the kind words about my posts, though. I say nice things but I don't know that it actually helps anyone. It's also probably selfish in that I like to hear myself talk and I'm trying to feel better about myself. Sorry, I really hate getting compliments. I should just say thank you and move on but I always want to be sure to downplay it.

I'm saying this from a place of "good". Matthew's Effects (pretty much what you are describing) is having constant negative things and outcomes the majority of the time. Even when I drive to animal sanctuary I try to let off steam with heavy metal/rock. It makes no sense as the music is on full blast but I'm driving the speed limit and I'm extremely passive on driving (I don't get annoyed if someone overtakes me if I'm doing the speed limit, etc).

Matthew sounds like a dick.

Side note: cars are just from getting from A to B. At one point I had a nice car but I'd be so anxious and nervous from the way others were driving around me. I had one nice person reverse and rip off my bumper at a golf driving range. Only noticed it the day after as it was night and the car was black. Gave up a long time ago about looking after the car. As long as it works mechanically I couldn't care less.

It's basically a hand-me-down. I'd never buy such a nice car myself.

 

[Username1359751]

Matthew probably was a dick... so was Murphy. Probably were bffs.
Hard to pinpoint that "nah" earlier, but I don't think it was invalidating anything you said. The opposite in fact. People do dumb things they normally wouldn't when they're super stressed, sleep deprived, constantly preoccupied by struggles etc. It's hard to watch people beat themselves up over innocent things, even if they don't feel innocent. I'm a big rejecter of compliments so I get that. It's a hard detrimental habit to unravel. At least no one witnessed it. They just see the damage on your car but no one has to know lol.

Many years ago there was a line of mailboxes propped on pieces of wood in a line. I guess the big ones at the end (for packages) weren't nailed on there because I ran into one of them with my golfcart and the bitch fell over... It was in an elderly community at my grandmother's. I quickly looked around and got the fuck out of the there... Then later I hear through the grapevine that my step-relatkve had heard a crash by the mailboxes, and later saw the big one on the ground. My relative said this one neighbor must've done it, when she was drunk... cause she's a known drinker. So, I'm sorry you got hit by some drunkard too
I mean, at least we're not that careless

 

[derpyderpins]

No need to be afraid of driving. I've been driving over a decade and never had an accident until today. You have to be really stupid and inattentive to do what I did. It's probably in part because I've been so stressed and without sleep. Of course, that makes it more stupid because I should've been extra careful.


I appreciate you saying that. I know you're right that I need to be more fair to myself. My brain just rejects the kind words about my posts, though. I say nice things but I don't know that it actually helps anyone. It's also probably selfish in that I like to hear myself talk and I'm trying to feel better about myself. Sorry, I really hate getting compliments. I should just say thank you and move on but I always want to be sure to downplay it.


Matthew sounds like a dick.

It's basically a hand-me-down. I'd never buy such a nice car myself.

I'm not even convinced I'm a net positive here even on a small scale. I know some people have welcomed what I have to say but I fail when it matters most.

Also speaking of one more thing my fucking AC broke and it's literally 100 degrees outside

 

[Username1359751]

I'm not even convinced I'm a net positive here even on a small scale. I know some people have welcomed what I have to say but I fail when it matters most.

Also speaking of one more thing my fucking AC broke and it's literally 100 degrees outside

What are you referring to when you say you "fail when it matters most"?

 

[derpyderpins]

What are you referring to when you say you "fail when it matters most"?

Just that when I feel most invested it seems to not work out. Sorry but I'm not looking to point to subjects or threads or names and make drama.

 

[Username1359751]

Just that people and issues where I feel most invested seem to not work out. Sorry but I'm not looking to point to threads or names and make drama.

Oh. I couldn't tell if you meant here or irl. So what? You tried. You didn't have to give your time and effort to them in the first place. It's not on you to save them. That might seem harsh but it's the same treatment and expectations for all of us, except for a few
No need to name, unless you want to pm I haven't seen any "failings" on your behalf

 

[fleetingnight]

You are very wrong about you being "no good and no help to anyone", I have read a lot of threads on here where you gave people some really good solid useful advice and so much compassion

I second this, you're always giving good advice on posts. It's just my opinion, but I'm always glad when I see you've added your input on something

I agree that it's way easier to mess things up than to get them right, and it's exhausting. But also, this kind of thing happens to everyone at some point. I don't think you're a shitty person, it's just a shitty situation