trying ungracefully
Member
- Jun 11, 2025
- 86
"Your brain will always be your brain."
I know it is true I know mental disorders don't just go away it will always be there it just becomes manageable overtime with work and maybe medication. But ever since I was a kid I wished one day I would just be normal. Like everyone else who fits in so easily and doesn't stand out so much because of whatever reason.
My great aunt struggled like me when she was young where she had trouble leaving the house, idk too much about it but I knew it was because of anxiety. Now she is 80 and living a really good and social life honestly. I see it on Facebook all the time and she tells me about the clubs that she is in and places she visits to see friends. She is visiting us this week because she lives in another state and we were able to see her yesterday but today my grandma texts my mom that my aunt is having very bad anxiety and that she is cancelling her plans for the week with everyone and just staying at my grandmas.
It was a hit to me after I thought about it for a second. I'm only 21 now and I always have the chance of getting better if I put in work and maybe one day I will be like her and be able to socialize and be out freely. But it can always come up again. It is just scary because she is 80 and the anxiety still can get to her like that and I know that will be me too.
Unlike normal people I have to consciously practice going outside and the things that give me anxiety so I can be able to handle it better the next time. If I stop for awhile I will end up in the same spot as now because of how anxiety just doesn't go away. And then it is shown with my aunt that it will come up even if you do everything to keep it down. I was holding onto the hope that was not logical at all that this will all go away once I get out again because I was more normal before, but I was more normal before a bipolar diagnosis too shit just comes up sometimes and doesn't go away for the rest of your life.
That hope can't be there anymore now and I don't know how to keep thinking that I will struggle all my life even though it gets easier. Even though it's easier it is still a struggle, if you were climbing up a very small hill for 5 hours straight you'd still feel tired.
Someone has to invent a magic pill that makes everything bad go away with no side effects. That will never happen though so I got to stick with the struggle I guess lol.
I know it is true I know mental disorders don't just go away it will always be there it just becomes manageable overtime with work and maybe medication. But ever since I was a kid I wished one day I would just be normal. Like everyone else who fits in so easily and doesn't stand out so much because of whatever reason.
My great aunt struggled like me when she was young where she had trouble leaving the house, idk too much about it but I knew it was because of anxiety. Now she is 80 and living a really good and social life honestly. I see it on Facebook all the time and she tells me about the clubs that she is in and places she visits to see friends. She is visiting us this week because she lives in another state and we were able to see her yesterday but today my grandma texts my mom that my aunt is having very bad anxiety and that she is cancelling her plans for the week with everyone and just staying at my grandmas.
It was a hit to me after I thought about it for a second. I'm only 21 now and I always have the chance of getting better if I put in work and maybe one day I will be like her and be able to socialize and be out freely. But it can always come up again. It is just scary because she is 80 and the anxiety still can get to her like that and I know that will be me too.
Unlike normal people I have to consciously practice going outside and the things that give me anxiety so I can be able to handle it better the next time. If I stop for awhile I will end up in the same spot as now because of how anxiety just doesn't go away. And then it is shown with my aunt that it will come up even if you do everything to keep it down. I was holding onto the hope that was not logical at all that this will all go away once I get out again because I was more normal before, but I was more normal before a bipolar diagnosis too shit just comes up sometimes and doesn't go away for the rest of your life.
That hope can't be there anymore now and I don't know how to keep thinking that I will struggle all my life even though it gets easier. Even though it's easier it is still a struggle, if you were climbing up a very small hill for 5 hours straight you'd still feel tired.
Someone has to invent a magic pill that makes everything bad go away with no side effects. That will never happen though so I got to stick with the struggle I guess lol.
