leyl
when will i forget?
- Feb 9, 2024
- 38
i failed my high-school year. again.
i've known it was coming. i had already accepted it as this month was supposed to be my last.
But today was the last school day and things just feel so much more real.
I have nothing nothing no base. I am privileged yes, i still live under my parents roof and don't have to worry about any mecessity as of right now.
But i have nothing else planned. I am doing things, looking for alternatives but it is to meerely tame their concerns.
I have told them.
What i thought i'd never do, it did.
They *know* i have plans to end it. I made myself clear. But they decided not to take it serioulsy. Constantly asking me what i wanna do with my life....
Die
Die is all i have for a future. Why is it so hard to understand? I made myself so clear but they won't listen. So i will do what they want me to do.
I will not die this month, i'll look for school alternatives, i will go on vacation.
But my death is just so imminent now. I want to do it tonight but i can't for i have promised to visit a dear friend this summer.
After that, i might rest.
I am so worthless now. Therapy is so slow.
My abuser took a part of me i will never stop grieving and now i'm an academic failure. I fail everything. Every one. I'm just stagnant. Things can get better but the wait has been just so painful all i want is rest now
[my name] is dead. her journey ends here.
i've known it was coming. i had already accepted it as this month was supposed to be my last.
But today was the last school day and things just feel so much more real.
I have nothing nothing no base. I am privileged yes, i still live under my parents roof and don't have to worry about any mecessity as of right now.
But i have nothing else planned. I am doing things, looking for alternatives but it is to meerely tame their concerns.
I have told them.
What i thought i'd never do, it did.
They *know* i have plans to end it. I made myself clear. But they decided not to take it serioulsy. Constantly asking me what i wanna do with my life....
Die
Die is all i have for a future. Why is it so hard to understand? I made myself so clear but they won't listen. So i will do what they want me to do.
I will not die this month, i'll look for school alternatives, i will go on vacation.
But my death is just so imminent now. I want to do it tonight but i can't for i have promised to visit a dear friend this summer.
After that, i might rest.
I am so worthless now. Therapy is so slow.
My abuser took a part of me i will never stop grieving and now i'm an academic failure. I fail everything. Every one. I'm just stagnant. Things can get better but the wait has been just so painful all i want is rest now
[my name] is dead. her journey ends here.
