Discussion It doesn't get easier with age

[Tulsa Sam 52]

I notice most members are in their earlier years and some wonder whether it becomes easier when you get older. It doesn't, it just becomes more necessary. I am 73 and I have discovered the rehab facility here in York, PA that was supposed to treat my wife's fractured ankle has decided to purposely delay treatment in order to force her to stay in their facility for the rest of her life. It is completely illegal and unethical of course, but the York County Office on Aging actually helps them do it. The nursing home staff are aware of the practice but it is so common everyone goes along with it. Nursing homes make a lot of money and there is widespread corruption. Today I learned there is no hope of my wife returning home ever. Money talks! I have no family and I can't bear to see her trapped for the rest of her life.

About five years ago I began planning my own ctb in case something happened in the future, and now it has. I have my unopened container of SN and the Metoclopramide I conned my doctor into prescribing for me at the same time. I also have my digital scale, so I am all set.

I have planned to send email notices to be delivered by delayed mail to arrive two to three days after I ctb in case something goes wrong and I need to recall them.

Fortunately no one will miss me except my wife who will wonder what happened to me. We will meet in the next life I hope, far away from this mud ball of evil and sin.

You might think having lived as long as I have I might just relax and go with it, but the fear of death (or rather the unknown) is built into our animal nature and doesn't fade with age.

Thank heavens for this wonderful site! There is something about ctb that makes one feel very much alone, and it helps tremendously to know there is such a fellowship of others walking the same horrible path. One trick I have used is to set the timer on my phone for eleven minutes because on average one person ends their life every eleven minutes in the U.S. It helps to remember that suicide is one of the leading causes of death. One feels less alone. Since we all must die sometime, let it be at the time of our choosing and not Satan's.


I have also read a great deal about near death experiences, which generally paint a beautiful picture of what happens to so many people when they die and return. BUT, nothing erases the fear itself.

One author, writing about suicide, and who later ended his own life said, "The world leaves the suicide long before the suicide leaves the world". How very true.

Getting old does not make suicide any easier, it only makes it more necessary. And avoid the SYSTEM. The government is never your friend, only your master.

So thank you for being here my fellow sufferers. Just your presence is a great blessing. And may you find the peace you yearn for here or hereafter.

 

[bankai]

I'm sorry for what you and your wife are going through. That was a brutal read. Money is at the root of most evil.Not surprising at all that there's corruption like that.

I wish you peace,friend.

 

[Dejected 55]

When I was younger I had several bouts of strong depression and knew some people who did end their life at various points... but I didn't seriously consider it no matter how bad or alone I felt then. A part of me kept hoping and thinking maybe... So when I see young people want and follow through with suicide it does make me sad. Society can be cruel and life is not at all fair, but when young people feel so much despair or in a lot of cases are MADE to feel that despair by others... I hate that they don't at least get a real chance. There are people who figure things out but it just takes a while... and sometimes you suffer for what seems like an eternity before breaking through and IF you're one of those lucky ones, your happiness then can outweigh the sadness that came before.

But as you get older, if you keep missing things, life keeps beating you down at most every turn... I feel like it makes more sense the older you get to just not see the point. You have experienced a lot, you've seen that it often does not get better for some people, and you reach whatever your personal limit is on mucking through the pain and frustration life throws at you. So I still feel for anyone at any age turning to suicide as a solution... but it makes more sense to me... if you've tried and been slapped down one too many times, and you want to throw in the towel. I get it. I'm living in that space myself at 55.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

I notice most members are in their earlier years and some wonder whether it becomes easier when you get older. It doesn't, it just becomes more necessary. I am 73 and I have discovered the rehab facility here in York, PA that was supposed to treat my wife's fractured ankle has decided to purposely delay treatment in order to force her to stay in their facility for the rest of her life. It is completely illegal and unethical of course, but the York County Office on Aging actually helps them do it. The nursing home staff are aware of the practice but it is so common everyone goes along with it. Nursing homes make a lot of money and there is widespread corruption. Today I learned there is no hope of my wife returning home ever. Money talks! I have no family and I can't bear to see her trapped for the rest of her life.

About five years ago I began planning my own ctb in case something happened in the future, and now it has. I have my unopened container of SN and the Metoclopramide I conned my doctor into prescribing for me at the same time. I also have my digital scale, so I am all set.

I have planned to send email notices to be delivered by delayed mail to arrive two to three days after I ctb in case something goes wrong and I need to recall them.

Fortunately no one will miss me except my wife who will wonder what happened to me. We will meet in the next life I hope, far away from this mud ball of evil and sin.

You might think having lived as long as I have I might just relax and go with it, but the fear of death (or rather the unknown) is built into our animal nature and doesn't fade with age.

Thank heavens for this wonderful site! There is something about ctb that makes one feel very much alone, and it helps tremendously to know there is such a fellowship of others walking the same horrible path. One trick I have used is to set the timer on my phone for eleven minutes because on average one person ends their life every eleven minutes in the U.S. It helps to remember that suicide is one of the leading causes of death. One feels less alone. Since we all must die sometime, let it be at the time of our choosing and not Satan's.


I have also read a great deal about near death experiences, which generally paint a beautiful picture of what happens to so many people when they die and return. BUT, nothing erases the fear itself.

One author, writing about suicide, and who later ended his own life said, "The world leaves the suicide long before the suicide leaves the world". How very true.

Getting old does not make suicide any easier, it only makes it more necessary. And avoid the SYSTEM. The government is never your friend, only your master.

So thank you for being here my fellow sufferers. Just your presence is a great blessing. And may you find the peace you yearn for here or hereafter.

I agree with you. This society, in particular, seems to actually, passively punish you for aging. It's harder to do everything. Not just physically. They make it harder to work. It's almost impossible to date or make friends. You start to see people in a whole different light. I understand that you're married, but I've seen so many marriages end in disaster. I guess that's why I never bothered with it. I was always too afraid to fall in love with the wrong woman and end up holding the bag with a broken heart and family.

From my perspective, life does not get easier with aging. It actually gets harder. Even for celebrities. People always want to mention how Ozzy Osborne died with his loved ones (most of them) around him. Maybe, but he was suffering. He was in pain. I don't know where the narrative comes from that says dying from old age is peaceful. No, it isn't. The body starts to break down. It takes hundreds of thousands of dollars to try and maintain the body after a certain age. And with this (America's) failing healthcare system, it's only going to get more expensive. It just doesn't seem worth it to keep on trucking when the only thing I have to look forward to are old age, more debt, and slaving away at a job until they cart me out "feet-first."

My method is a firearm. I can't wait to leave this hellscape. I hope you find the peace you're looking for, regardless of what you ultimately decide to do.

 

[R. A.]

I read your only other post which was also a rough read. God, what it has come to in the industrialized world. We hate old age and death so much we pay prisons wardens to keep our elders locked up in "homes" even now we know full well the scope and scale of the rampant systemic abuse that happens in them. Even when these are people who provided and cared for us in the most vulnerable times in our lives.

Inter-generational life is so mutually enriching but things keep on getting more atomized that every single decade of life is nearly its own goddamn culture, especially in youth. The world that rose from the ashes of WWII was truly hell. The Axis lost, but a great invisible evil truly won.

 

[thedevilwithin]

i hope you and your wife find peace together sir. somewhere after this i hope you two exist in bliss.

 

[Verena2]

I notice most members are in their earlier years and some wonder whether it becomes easier when you get older. It doesn't, it just becomes more necessary. I am 73 and I have discovered the rehab facility here in York, PA that was supposed to treat my wife's fractured ankle has decided to purposely delay treatment in order to force her to stay in their facility for the rest of her life. It is completely illegal and unethical of course, but the York County Office on Aging actually helps them do it. The nursing home staff are aware of the practice but it is so common everyone goes along with it. Nursing homes make a lot of money and there is widespread corruption. Today I learned there is no hope of my wife returning home ever. Money talks! I have no family and I can't bear to see her trapped for the rest of her life.

About five years ago I began planning my own ctb in case something happened in the future, and now it has. I have my unopened container of SN and the Metoclopramide I conned my doctor into prescribing for me at the same time. I also have my digital scale, so I am all set.

I have planned to send email notices to be delivered by delayed mail to arrive two to three days after I ctb in case something goes wrong and I need to recall them.

Fortunately no one will miss me except my wife who will wonder what happened to me. We will meet in the next life I hope, far away from this mud ball of evil and sin.

You might think having lived as long as I have I might just relax and go with it, but the fear of death (or rather the unknown) is built into our animal nature and doesn't fade with age.

Thank heavens for this wonderful site! There is something about ctb that makes one feel very much alone, and it helps tremendously to know there is such a fellowship of others walking the same horrible path. One trick I have used is to set the timer on my phone for eleven minutes because on average one person ends their life every eleven minutes in the U.S. It helps to remember that suicide is one of the leading causes of death. One feels less alone. Since we all must die sometime, let it be at the time of our choosing and not Satan's.


I have also read a great deal about near death experiences, which generally paint a beautiful picture of what happens to so many people when they die and return. BUT, nothing erases the fear itself.

One author, writing about suicide, and who later ended his own life said, "The world leaves the suicide long before the suicide leaves the world". How very true.

Getting old does not make suicide any easier, it only makes it more necessary. And avoid the SYSTEM. The government is never your friend, only your master.

So thank you for being here my fellow sufferers. Just your presence is a great blessing. And may you find the peace you yearn for here or hereafter.

So sorry about your wife. Being in my 60s, I totally agree with what you say about CTB becoming more necessary. In the UK we have a health service but getting to see anyone takes many months & the Govt here is intent on taking away people's freedoms through its Online Safety Act.

 

[Tulsa Sam 52]

I agree with you. This society, in particular, seems to actually, passively punish you for aging. It's harder to do everything. Not just physically. They make it harder to work. It's almost impossible to date or make friends. You start to see people in a whole different light. I understand that you're married, but I've seen so many marriages end in disaster. I guess that's why I never bothered with it. I was always too afraid to fall in love with the wrong woman and end up holding the bag with a broken heart and family.

From my perspective, life does not get easier with aging. It actually gets harder. Even for celebrities. People always want to mention how Ozzy Osborne died with his loved ones (most of them) around him. Maybe, but he was suffering. He was in pain. I don't know where the narrative comes from that says dying from old age is peaceful. No, it isn't. The body starts to break down. It takes hundreds of thousands of dollars to try and maintain the body after a certain age. And with this (America's) failing healthcare system, it's only going to get more expensive. It just doesn't seem worth it to keep on trucking when the only thing I have to look forward to are old age, more debt, and slaving away at a job until they cart me out "feet-first."

My method is a firearm. I can't wait to leave this hellscape. I hope you find the peace you're looking for, regardless of what you ultimately decide to do.

The ancient Stoic philosophers had the right idea. They held that a person should live as long as they ought and not as long as they could. They believed it was everyone's right to leave this life if Fate began to abuse them too much. Length of life didn't matter and they even had a saying, "Those whom the gods love die young", because they would suffer less and be less corrupted. They said we cannot know the future, but it was most likely to be worse. They were far more realistic than we are.

 

[Tulsa Sam 52]

I read your only other post which was also a rough read. God, what it has come to in the industrialized world. We hate old age and death so much we pay prisons wardens to keep our elders locked up in "homes" even now we know full well the scope and scale of the rampant systemic abuse that happens in them. Even when these are people who provided and cared for us in the most vulnerable times in our lives.

Inter-generational life is so mutually enriching but things keep on getting more atomized that every single decade of life is nearly its own goddamn culture, especially in youth. The world that rose from the ashes of WWII was truly hell. The Axis lost, but a great invisible evil truly won.

I used to be so proud of America, but you are right; a great invisible evil truly won. In fact there is a fascinating book called the The Rise of the Fourth Reich which shows that Germany lost, but we imported thousands of Nazis to America. For what? But the evil has spread beyond even Nazism to the hatred and destruction of the elderly. I agree, let's make America great again. But no country can be great if it is not also good.

I have spent days and days calling every resource from elder abuse hot lines to private attorneys to state and federal elder protection agencies and NO ONE is interested! There are a complete listing of attorneys who specialize in actions against nursing homes and before I can even explain what is happening they say they don't handle those kinds of cases.

Most of you are far from thinking about nursing homes, but beware for your older family members and yourself in the future. I am not advocating suicide, but for myself I would rather end my life on my terms than be cought in the SYSTEM!

Who would think it could happen in the USA? America, how far you have fallen to endorse gulags for your elderly? I am beyond ashamed of you.

 

[WeepingWorm]

It gets much fucking worse. Instead of ambition, possibilities (even if only perceived) and hope it becomes set in stone. A grotesque granite monument to decay. I should've done it over a decade ago and remained so much better.