Story Is some unseen force working against my plans to CTB?

[Trezzohno]

So after years of suicide ideation I finally decided to CTB.
In May I went to buy SN from a chemicals shop and mistakenly bought nitrate not nitrite.
I finally bought my SN back in late May alongside doperamide/ motilium.
I was about to buy propanol then my grandpa had a cancer scare and I felt selfish and wrong if CTB'd and my mom had to deal with a cancer strike dad and a dead daughter.
About two weeks later my grandpa's biopsy revealed his growths were not cancerous and he was all good. Felt ready to CTB.
Like three days I planned to CTB in a week or two and my brother ended up being fired from work.
To top it all of today, someone stole $2000 worth of goods from my mother and she will need financial help from me to recover. She's feeling super defeated and I don't think it's the right time to CTB when she's so down trotted.

Why is it every time am in the right headspace to do it this wretched world finds way to guilt the shit out of me

 

[butterfly3]

I totally get you, I've tried to but SN like 5 times and everyone the order always gets cancelled for whatever reason. Around the 6th time, I ordered it and it was going smoothly until they just stopped giving me tracking updates, and I just haven't heard from them since.
I feel like even if I do get a hold of it I can't, because I saw the way my parents were hurting so bad when i attempted suicide via overdose and was in the hospital like 2 weeks ago, so even if I do get a hold of SN I don't even know if I'd be able to go through with it because of the guilt.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

There's never a perfect time. People have to block out family and friends to do it or there will always be something stop them. That's the reality.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is just the way that life is, there is an unlimited amount of things that can go wrong in this life. Because the future is uncertain, it can be difficult to make plans. It is a very unfair life and I understand why you would be frustrated. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.