Venting Is it selfish to no longer care about hurting people when I CTB?

[hawkoflight]

I simply don't care anymore.
I've been screaming out my entire life, begging for help in subtle and non-subtle ways. I've been begging for someone to listen to me for as long as I can remember. No one ever listened.
I should be allowed to be selfish. I've been doing my due diligence my entire life to be sure people know my mental illnesses aren't their problem.
And I will by the end. I'll write a note, and try to show that it isn't their fault. But after that, I don't give a shit what the people around me think.
Does that make me a bad person? Do I even care anymore?
I should be aloud to be selfish in the end.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you've suffered a lot in this cruel existence but anyway I wish you all the best.

 

[Andrew10]

It's not selfish, it's understandable, the same thing happens to me, the feelings of others about my loss are irrelevant. You suffered too much, they hit you so many times that they buried you underground more than necessary, so why worry? The world gave you the middle finger your whole life even in your worst moments, it was very cruel to you and they brought you to this point.

There is no need to worry about the feelings of people who turned their back on you or simply for whom you were non-existent or ignored.


Keep this message in mind: do you know what is a good example of being selfish?

selfish is forcing someone against their desire to no longer want to be here to live, for the simple fact of having the pathetic thought of "that this is the right thing" or this "society" instilled in them since childhood or whatever the hell makes them believe that, despite having ignored, wasted, attacked or undervalued your life. A person is not an object of value to satisfy people's unknown need of wanting to have someone destroyed alive. Also for some people someone is a circus, an object of ridicule or someone to manipulate or control, if that person ends their life, who is going to be their punching bag to vent then? That kind of person will do everything possible to prevent or sabotage their suicide and keep them alive with the sole intention of making that person suffer even more and satisfy their evil needs, whatever the events that led you here, remember: you don't owe anyone anything.

If you have read this far, I send you a big hug from a distance, whatever your decision is. Peace

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

No, it is selfish for those around you to expect you to continue to live a life of suffering.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

No.

 

[willitpass]

It's not selfish, it's human. Eventually you will get worn down after trying the same thing for so long but to no avail. I have some wonderful people in my life that I know my death will destroy, but after so long suffering with no end in sight, I long since reached a point of no longer being able to stay alive for others.

 

[suffering_mo]

I definitely feel selfish. If I were able to withstand the physical, neurological and mental torture for the ones I love, I would. I'm not judging you. I don't know your circumstances. I only know how I feel.

 

[Steff1337]

No, it is not selfish, the most important thing is that you disregarding others find the peace that you're looking for.

 

[LastLoveSong]

unless you have a kid to take care of or like a pet then no its not selfish you can do whatever the fuck you want

 

[TransientEternal]

All actions are selfish. In the end, all of the things we do are only to make ourselves feel better. The pain of living is simply greater than the pain you would get with the knowledge that your death hurt others.

 

[bestroper]

no not at all.

 

[Cress]

I simply don't care anymore.
I've been screaming out my entire life, begging for help in subtle and non-subtle ways. I've been begging for someone to listen to me for as long as I can remember. No one ever listened.
I should be allowed to be selfish. I've been doing my due diligence my entire life to be sure people know my mental illnesses aren't their problem.
And I will by the end. I'll write a note, and try to show that it isn't their fault. But after that, I don't give a shit what the people around me think.
Does that make me a bad person? Do I even care anymore?
I should be aloud to be selfish in the end.

Ultimately just depends on how much you care about your friends and family and how much you feel like they've supported you over the years. I have numerous people that I really don't feel bad at all for if I was to pass away. I'm sure they would probably up a wall and seek all sorts of sympathy at the funeral but they really don't deserve it. However I do have some people that I feel some amount of compassion for that they would be really affected by my passing. Whether or not that's going to keep me from catching the bus remains to be seen I suppose. Either way it's something that I've considered.

If you don't feel like the emotional investment then your friends and family I put into you What's not a equivalent exchange doesn't mean you're a bad person. There is always the possibility I suppose that you have a specific psychological situation that reduces your empathy but I don't think there should ever be assumed in less rigorously diagnosed by a professional.

The average person really doesn't Deal with suicide very well the common reaction is just to push it to the side and try to ignore it. Report you to authorities and move along. It takes a special kind of person to have a adult and professional conversation about suicide it's really quite a challenging conversation to navigate through the vast majority of people. I don't begrudge people For failing miserably In these sorts of conversations.

 

[Defenestration]

Je m'en fiche tout simplement désormais.
J'ai crié toute ma vie, implorant de l'aide de manière subtile ou non. J'ai fourni que quelqu'un m'écoute depuis aussi longtemps que je me souvienne. Personne ne m'a jamais écouté.
Je devrais avoir le droit d'être égoïste. J'ai fait preuve de diligence raisonnable toute ma vie pour m'assurer que les gens savent que mes maladies mentales ne sont pas leur problème.
Et je le ferai à la fin. J'écrirai un mot et j'essaierai de montrer que ce n'est pas de leur faute. Mais après ça, je me fiche de ce que pensent les gens autour de moi.
Est-ce que cela fait de moi une mauvaise personne ? Est-ce que je m'en soucie encore ?
Je devrais avoir le droit d'être égoïste à la fin.

I think like you, I felt a lot of guilt but I try not to think about it anymore

 

[inevitableandplannd]

Nah fuck em

If they were gonna be "soooo hurttt" by it, why did they not help you?

My gf says that when i slip up and reveal how suicidal i am. I want to laugh in her face

 

[blueberryDesert]

No. No one walks in your shoes but you. They have no right to judge others or others' experiences.

 

[CandyCane]

I simply don't care anymore.
I've been screaming out my entire life, begging for help in subtle and non-subtle ways. I've been begging for someone to listen to me for as long as I can remember. No one ever listened.
I should be allowed to be selfish. I've been doing my due diligence my entire life to be sure people know my mental illnesses aren't their problem.
And I will by the end. I'll write a note, and try to show that it isn't their fault. But after that, I don't give a shit what the people around me think.
Does that make me a bad person? Do I even care anymore?
I should be aloud to be selfish in the end.

Sounds a little OCD to me. Do you have OCD?

 

[hawkoflight]

Sounds a little OCD to me. Do you have OCD?

It's possible. My mom has OCD, and it's genetic, so..probably.

 

[Mlifos & Sitoa]

I don't think so, and I never understood the people who say that. It's just your own problem, no one else's.

 

[Defenestration]

Non, qu'ils aillent se faire foutre.

S'ils allaient être "tellement blessés" par ça, pourquoi ne t'ont-ils pas aidé ?

Ma copine dit que si je fais une erreur et que je révèle à quel point je suis suicidaire, j'ai envie de lui rire au nez.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Nope. Your brain is probably working to "protect" you from the pain of guilt. I wish I felt like that.

 

[divinemistress36]

Nah fuck em

If they were gonna be "soooo hurttt" by it, why did they not help you?

My gf says that when i slip up and reveal how suicidal i am. I want to laugh in her face

Its so true, I'vs cried so much to my parents please help me and they just say sorry we don't know what to do and go about their day...

 

[Defenestration]

Its so true, I'vs cried so much to my parents please help me and they just say sorry we don't know what to do and go about their day...

Oh very sad.
My parents and my sister helped me since my birthday...
But no Hope

 

[ceilng_tile]

Suicide is selfish but you have the right to be selfish.

 

[Defenestration]

Le suicide est égoïste, mais vous avez le droit d'être égoïste.

I think it's more complicated than that. I take my case when you are 20 years old with illnesses and you have tried everything and even the psychiatrists tell you that they can't do much for you. It may be selfish for those who stay but it still takes a dose of courage and at some point there is no point in fighting.