Story Is it normal to do this?

[thinkkank]

I spend a lot of time writing down the things I would have done if I wasn't going to exit, like the things I would have done in five years or ten years, the accomplishments I would have had and the places I would've gone to. I never did this until I finally decided to end my life. Does anyone else do this? I can't go a day without writing something about the things I would have done if I planned on living longer

 

[Itsallover123]

Not to get all pro-lifer on you but I think that if you can see a path to happiness then by all means take it. I think that putting in the hard work to succeed if you know you will succeed is a good investment, given that you aren't suffering. Unless you were talking hypothetically, like if you weren't in your current situation

 

[Snake of Eden]

I can not relate with what you say at all. To me I am only going to ctb because I have no prospects of living life doing anything I can enjoy and is accessible to me. It is the end of the road there are no what ifs. If you think that you can do things you want and you know that you will enjoy them then why ctb? It does not make alot of sense to me

 

[FuneralCry]

I have not done this. I know that if I was to stay alive for many more years I would never accomplish or achieve anything. I do not want to experience anything, I just want to not exist. It is a dreadful thought to think about my future.

 

[orange]

What others here have said. Though I have the ability to achieve things I do not have the ability to enjoy them, as I have not enjoyed any important milestones so far. I have no ambition, and am only dragged forward by other people's expectations and the threat of homelessness. Whatever the fuck I would have done if I hadn't decided to ctb I don't care for.

 

[Dreamlike Reality]

When I was still contemplating suicide, I did something similar to that, and I found that my only reason to hold off on CTB was simply because I wouldn't get to see the last chapters of my favorite video game being released. It absolutely pales in comparison of all of the actual serious reasons I have to end my life. Like others, I can't see where I would be in five to ten years other than . . . well, dead. If I were to stay alive, I would go nowhere and accomplish little to nothing just like I do now.

 

[thinkkank]

Not to get all pro-lifer on you but I think that if you can see a path to happiness then by all means take it. I think that putting in the hard work to succeed if you know you will succeed is a good investment, given that you aren't suffering. Unless you were talking hypothetically, like if you weren't in your current situation

the things I write can't really happen. They require a lot of money and skills that I just don't have. I have no way of making them happen, but I just keep writing about them. If I could do them I would, but in my situation I just can't

 

[dospi1]

I actually get you, i dont have the patience to write it down, but i think a lot the thigs i would have liked to do if o werent so patethic, i would like to finish my degree, i woud like to travel to italy, i would like to fall in love. Its just a shame in simply to bad at this game called living i know i wont acomplish any of them. But if you find hope in any of this wishes and be happy pls go for it and take that rope to get you out of this, stay strong mate.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I definitely imagine a counter narrative in which I did A couple things differently… It's quite soothing… Another form of escapism along with suicide itself…

 

[thinkkank]

I actually get you, i dont have the patience to write it down, but i think a lot the thigs i would have liked to do if o werent so patethic, i would like to finish my degree, i woud like to travel to italy, i would like to fall in love. Its just a shame in simply to bad at this game called living i know i wont acomplish any of them. But if you find hope in any of this wishes and be happy pls go for it and take that rope to get you out of this, stay strong mate.

the most frustrating thing is when you want to accomplish something simple and you can't even do that. it's a kind of hell. I hope you finish the degree though. travelling now is complicated because of the virus. relationships and dating are a shitshow nowadays, but the degree is the one thing that might be possible

I definitely imagine a counter narrative in which I did A couple things differently… It's quite soothing… Another form of escapism along with suicide itself…

that's the perfect word to describe it, escapism. is it healthy or unhealthy to do it though?

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

the most frustrating thing is when you want to accomplish something simple and you can't even do that. it's a kind of hell. I hope you finish the degree though. travelling now is complicated because of the virus. relationships and dating are a shitshow nowadays, but the degree is the one thing that might be possible

that's the perfect word to describe it, escapism. is it healthy or unhealthy to do it though?

Well Depends on what you mean by healthy… Healthy would probably involve facing problems and solving them… But if you've given up on that…

 

[She Lost Her Way]

I know what I dreamed for before things went downhill -- having a family with my ex partner. I still imagine it every day, and the knowledge it will never happen hurts more than anything. I could do anything other than that, that's the messed up part. I could have what most people call "a very bright future." Yet I would not be capable to derive any enjoyment out of it, which is why I don't really imagine it or think about it. I couldn't care less for whatever I could accomplish, it would all be meaningless..

 

[Pluto]

Fantasy is a double-edged sword. It can inspire motivation, or at least be a medium-term survival strategy, but then risks backfiring when the contrast between expectation and reality can no longer be evaded. Take practical steps to recovery if possible. Otherwise...

And when your deepest thoughts are broken
Keep on dreamin' boy, 'cause when you stop dreamin' it's time to die
-Blind Melon

 

[thinkkank]

Well Depends on what you mean by healthy… Healthy would probably involve facing problems and solving them… But if you've given up on that…

i spend more time escaping than confronting, so it's not healthy, but I can't stop doing it.