Venting Is it Love or Loneliness?

[LonelyPrince]

I've noticed a pattern in my life, probably induced by my loneliness: I obsess over a girl whom I befriend and she becomes my center.
I don't know if it's a crush or desperation.
They become my "angelic maiden" like in those Italian poems from over centuries ago.

Recently I met at uni this wonderful girl and we became very close. She is creative, reserved, empathic and an amazing artist.
Everytime I spend time with her I feel like my life could actually be better and when she doesn't answer I fall into the pits of despair.
I don't care about dating. I just want to get closer. I just want someone by my side, a soul mate, that doesn't necessarily need to be romantic.

Perhaps being isolated thoughout my entire life, including my first years, fucked me up completely.

I'm afraid of scaring her away, I'm afraid of her seeing how truly rotten and depraved I am. The idea makes me want to cry.
But I know it won't last long, like all things.

Ti voglio bene e spero che non leggerai mai tutto ciò lol.
Se mai lo leggerai mi dispiace.

 

[amor.dor]

Could this be some kind of projection of yours that you don't yet fully understand?

Since she hasn't done you any harm, you're doing this to yourself.

What do you think she represents to you?

I think this might help you a little.

 

[LonelyPrince]

Could this be some kind of projection of yours that you don't yet fully understand?

Since she hasn't done you any harm, you're doing this to yourself.

What do you think she represents to you?

I think this might help you a little.

A projection? I don't know. I don't fully understand yet why I form these obsessive attachments.
She represents safety, comfort and innocence to me. She looks untainted from this horrible world. She feels somehow like a lamb, while I'm the monster hiding in sheep's clothing.

 

[NutOrat]

I relate to this a lot. I don't know either, man, it's definitely not the normal "healthy" kind of love, for me at least, I think I'm just so fucking desperate for any kind of care to go my way from anyone who isn't a family member "stuck" with having to care for me, that I'll cling to any woman who shows me basic kindness. I'll try to control myself, remind myself I shouldn't overstep, I should treat everyone the same, but inevitably will act like a creep.

I also carry a lot of shame and guilt for all the things I hide about myself, all the depravity within, I don't want anyone to know about it, while at the same time I desperately want someone to see me for who I really am and love me regardless, or even because of it.

I wish you the best, I wish you don't have to hurt so much, I don't know, I never have anything to add or say to the other person other than bitch about myself. I wish you can feel as desired, maybe.

 

[LonelyPrince]

I relate to this a lot. I don't know either, man, it's definitely not the normal "healthy" kind of love, for me at least, I think I'm just so fucking desperate for any kind of care to go my way from anyone who isn't a family member "stuck" with having to care for me, that I'll cling to any woman who shows me basic kindness. I'll try to control myself, remind myself I shouldn't overstep, I should treat everyone the same, but inevitably will act like a creep.

I also carry a lot of shame and guilt for all the things I hide about myself, all the depravity within, I don't want anyone to know about it, while at the same time I desperately want someone to see me for who I really am and love me regardless, or even because of it.

I wish you the best, I wish you don't have to hurt so much, I don't know, I never have anything to add or say to the other person other than bitch about myself. I wish you can feel as desired, maybe.

Yeah this is it.
The paradox is tiresome.
Also, is it definitely not healthy but what does healthy love even look like?
Thank you for your reply man. I wish you the best aswell

 

[amor.dor]

A projection? I don't know. I don't fully understand yet why I form these obsessive attachments.
She represents safety, comfort and innocence to me. She looks untainted from this horrible world. She feels somehow like a lamb, while I'm the monster hiding in sheep's clothing.

We project what we desire or carry within ourselves onto others, but that can create distorted relationships — where you wanted the person to be one way, but they truly are another. That can lead to fights, manipulation, and disappointment...

But you did a good job being able to put these words out there. Just don't become your own executioner. You also have what you see in her.

Hope that helped.

 

[LonelyPrince]

We project what we desire or carry within ourselves onto others, but that can create distorted relationships — where you wanted the person to be one way, but they truly are another. That can lead to fights, manipulation, and disappointment...

But you did a good job being able to put these words out there. Just don't become your own executioner. You also have what you see in her.

Hope that helped.

Oh yes definitely.
We are very similar so yeah.
I will try my best not to burden her with my desires though. I will keep them to myself.
The last thing I want to do is hurt her.