is he right?

[iamalreadydead]

almost got in an argument with my dad earlier but ended it before it turned into a real one. It was over something really stupid

we were talking about dinner and I mentioned off hand that I didn't like lettuce on my burgers and in response he laughed and said "that's just because you're still developing haha" and I kind of responded with something like "I don't doubt a taste preference can change with age but I don't think me not liking lettuce is because I'm not done 'developing,' that's a weird way to phrase that. I'm 20 years old.." to that he says "20 is just a kid, you know, you're one of those people who talk like they know everything but you really haven't experience nothing at all." I said okay and walked away.

Maybe this is just me being wrongfully defensive, I don't know. I have C-PTSD from COCSA, from his and my mothers abuse, and from being homeless. I have HPPD from drug abuse that I deal with to this day, panic disorders, I've been bullied and harassed and have had major depression since I was like 6, I've been assaulted and had to defend myself in the streets while homeless, I've been stranded in a different fucking country after the worst break up of my life. I've been arrested and discriminated against. I've taken care of myself for a good bulk of time or at least as best as someone can while unmedicated with a plethora of stupid mental bullshit. And I know it's incredibly petty and insecure to even bring any of that up as a rebuttal to "you still have a lot to experience" because obviously i fucking know there's still a lot of things I have left to experience. There's a lot more stupid bullshit I'm gonna have to put up with, and I can self admit to the fact that I'm a stupid bitch. I know that intimately. I think what bothers me is just the fucking complete dismissal of me as a person, like I don't know shit. Like nothing I've been through has constituted respect. 2 or 3 weeks ago I asked if the raw fish on the table was meant for me or if it was anyone else's dinner, he turned to my mom and told her to "show him how to make it" as if I don't know how to cook my own fucking food?

I barely talk to my dad because every conversation we have he usually demeans me in some way, and when I mean /every/ conversation I really mean it. Every sentence he's ever spoken to me has had some kind of undertone where he's either trying to infodump about something I would clearly understand or imply that he's the wisest in the room, that I don't know more than him about anything.

Idk, I guess I'm just asking if I'm right to feel that he's just fucking wrong.

 

[lachrymost]

This wouldn't be a big deal as a one-off comment, but even then it's dumb and demeaning. But it's a pattern of behavior for him, so it is a big deal. I would feel the same way being constantly invalidated and undermined.

Edit: I meant the original lettuce comment, not the follow-up about how you don't know anything. That's terrible straight-up. My bad.

 

[Pluto]

As an older person, be very wary of his demeaning attitude. It might not seem that serious, but it can be a symptom of a lack of empathy, which is a recipe for the worst possible parenting.

Sometimes we subconsciously put ourselves in extremely harsh situations because we are trying to reach a place where the parents will finally feel compassion, love, care and pity. To finally be validated. But it's a trap, as there is no such boundary whatsoever! Even in death they will shrug their shoulders, or rewrite the narrative to make themselves the victims. It's an absolute nightmare and gets worse the more energy we invest in them.