intrusive thought

[meiherasoru_]

Intrusive thoughts have always haunted me to the point that I make decisions that affect someone and I feel bad about it, but then it happens again and again. I was thinking of I was going to die on Christmas, but I spent that day with my dad. He took me to his house, and when I asked to go back home, he refused, saying that the fireworks and noise would affect me (I'm autistic, and noise affects me, especially those damn fireworks). So I stayed overnight with him, and well, I'm still here.

In case it's not clear, I was planning to kill myself at Christmas, but I spent it with my dad and couldn't do it
That intrusive thought has passed now, but it always comes back and will return