Venting in the whole of my life, not one good deed

[somethingYetFlowers]

not one good deed, not one just action
all my life clutching my chest guarding my bowels
a total coward
i've been nothing but a burden
there's no place on earth for people like me
how can i justify this existence if i don't grow our GDP
what other metrics has this world given me to measure my worth
nobody sees my face and is captivated or hears my voice and is moved
it's like i'm not even there
i have no brighter future coming over the horizon
i just watch myself waste away my only chance to be anything at all
sloughing the years off of my life
i grit my teeth as long as i could but my body refuses to listen anymore
i can't just keep going in hopes it gets better. it's only gotten worse. opportunities only become fewer and fewer
maybe if i got a bit luckier i could've found something that gave me the strength to contend with the horrors of this world
but the only times i felt there was magic in this world i always learned it wasn't for me
i don't deserve it, after all
i have nothing i can offer anyone
not one good deed to my name
a kinder society would euthanize me
but i have not even the rights of a dog

 

[timf]

i've been nothing but a burden
there's no place on earth for people like me

Since we are all born helpless, ignorant, and selfish, this could be said of any of us. What can be transformative is the love of parents to help us improve on this initial state. Failing love, then duty can be a help. Even neglect can be useful as we try to navigate life learning from experiences. Even abusive parents can provide the motive to escape.

The state you describe sounds like one that can be changed with some experimentation. If nothing else, you can pray for someone else, even a complete stranger. You do not have to believe in God, some people simply pray to the universe. A "prayer" can simply be a wish for good luck. This can work to turn your mind from self-punishment to thinking about others and work a little to take yourself out of yourself. This might help change a downward spiral.