impulsivity control is so damn hard

[parader]

bpd is truly a curse, i've been ok for most of the day, actually i was feeling pretty good until maybe an hour ago
but then i had an argument about some petty shit (politics mostly) and stuff when downhill so fast
it's hard to realise how things can easily turn sour when you're drunk and have such an extreme and reactive emotional state
i feel like dying and i already have the means for a quite peaceful death
it's hard not to give in to such urges, i know it'll pass as fast as it came, but right now i don't really care to wait
i don't want to make any harsh decisions, they never turn out great for me in the long run, but fuck it's hard
i'm writing here in a feeble attempt to just vent it out and maybe recover faster
i know i'll make it, i always do, but it's tiring

 

[timf]

Having been OK is kind of like a ship at harbor. Being drunk can be like loosing your mooring (being unties from the dock) where you can drift out to sea and encounter storms.

Two tactics to reduce this occurrence is to keep watch on your "mooring" and to find a way to quickly return to your "harbor". If you can reduce the value given to the opinion of others, it can also help. For example, if someone were to engage you in a political discussion and call you a communist or a Nazi, you might respond with, "Oh really, what a remarkably uninteresting assessment."