Venting I’m what’s wrong with me

[lavenderlilylies]

You know that meme of a guy drowning in shallow water? That is literally the story of my life. Everything i complain about and every "if only" is directly caused by me. I avoid people and push them away, never text back, rarely leave my room let alone my house, don't move enough, go back and forth between starving and exclusively eating junk food, and procrastinate everything fully aware of the anxiety it causes me. No wonder i feel like shit, it would be a surprise if i didn't. And i could fix EVERYTHING but im stuck here "exhausted" from literally doing nothing. Wtf is wrong with me??

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

i do the same, I sabotage lots of my life in the chase to be alone

 

[identity0]

But why are you like that? Causation is a long and complex chain that can't even be untangled. Who we are is shaped by external events, our genetics, etc. Certainly you didnt choose to have those qualities that you dislike about yourself. So don't blame yourself

 

[a_tired_autist]

I don't think anything is wrong whit you. Tbh pretty much the same thing is happening to me, i have a crippling amount of anxiety after a recent failures and I keep blaming me even when the circumstances are not in my controls, whit tough like "why is did i not do it like that" or "this was obviously stupid, why i did that". Lately i have eating less and less and eating poorer quality food. I did yet push back all my friend by i feel i am getting distanced from them. And i am completely exhausted, and I even stopped working lately even tough i know that this work is bringing me some form of temporary thing occupy my mind. And this depression is like a nail in coffin.

 

[a_tired_autist]

But why are you like that? Causation is a long and complex chain that can't even be untangled. Who we are is shaped by external events, our genetics, etc. Certainly you didnt choose to have those qualities that you dislike about yourself. So don't blame yourself

I think i agree.

 

[lavenderlilylies]

But why are you like that? Causation is a long and complex chain that can't even be untangled. Who we are is shaped by external events, our genetics, etc. Certainly you didnt choose to have those qualities that you dislike about yourself. So don't blame yourself

I didn't consciously choose to be this way but then who to blame if not me? my situation is directly caused by my actions, or lack there of

I don't think anything is wrong whit you. Tbh pretty much the same thing is happening to me, i have a crippling amount of anxiety after a recent failures and I keep blaming me even when the circumstances are not in my controls, whit tough like "why is did i not do it like that" or "this was obviously stupid, why i did that". Lately i have eating less and less and eating poorer quality food. I did yet push back all my friend by i feel i am getting distanced from them. And i am completely exhausted, and I even stopped working lately even tough i know that this work is bringing me some form of temporary thing occupy my mind. And this depression is like a nail in coffin.

I know how hopeless it feels. Im so sorry

 

[nomoredolor]

Depression is exhausting
And having grace for yourself is hard
But there is likely a reason why you don't feel able to do the things you know may help you feel better
Hugs

 

[lavenderlilylies]

Depression is exhausting
And having grace for yourself is hard
But there is likely a reason why you don't feel able to do the things you know may help you feel better
Hugs

thank you <3

 

[identity0]

I didn't consciously choose to be this way but then who to blame if not me? my situation is directly caused by my actions, or lack there of

I know how hopeless it feels. Im so sorry

I think nobody is to blame. Except maybe god or the universe. Either way, i think it is a valid point of view that feels better and is healthier than the negative emotions and weight of blame. It makes me feel a little better to think like this so i try to share this perspective to you

 

[deadtrace]

Yeah I'm the same. Feels like I wrote this lol.

 

[saltytears]

You know that meme of a guy drowning in shallow water? That is literally the story of my life. Everything i complain about and every "if only" is directly caused by me. I avoid people and push them away, never text back, rarely leave my room let alone my house, don't move enough, go back and forth between starving and exclusively eating junk food, and procrastinate everything fully aware of the anxiety it causes me. No wonder i feel like shit, it would be a surprise if i didn't. And i could fix EVERYTHING but im stuck here "exhausted" from literally doing nothing. Wtf is wrong with me??

Probably nothing "wrong" with you bc you are recognizing some of the issues. A lot of what you listed you can change--and you even see that...you are just stuck in hamster wheel....take the first step and do something different....go outside, take a walk, eat something healthy, clear your head. Sometimes just changing your environment can change how you feel.... Dont know anything of your story but sounds like if you could get some support/counseling you could turn things around and make a new start. Everything can change-one day at at time. Maybe start by reaching back out to the friends who are texting you....if you trust any of them, tell them you are struggling....wishing you the best....

 

[dumed1]

You don't need to beat yourself up over this. I have experienced what you are going through and I slowly started to do more things, to the point where I was mentally healthy again (before disaster struck, most recently).

The key is to avoid being so hard on yourself, and just try to do one thing, no matter how small, to improve your situation. Eventually you'll find yourself doing more and more. But you'll definitely backslide a bunch of times, too. So it's important to not get too discouraged, just try to make some forward progress.

Even making that progress, no matter how small, will make you feel better about yourself. But you don't need to fix everything tomorrow, or maybe even ever. If you eventually get to 50% fixed, you might feel happy enough.

 

[lavenderlilylies]

You don't need to beat yourself up over this. I have experienced what you are going through and I slowly started to do more things, to the point where I was mentally healthy again (before disaster struck, most recently).

The key is to avoid being so hard on yourself, and just try to do one thing, no matter how small, to improve your situation. Eventually you'll find yourself doing more and more. But you'll definitely backslide a bunch of times, too. So it's important to not get too discouraged, just try to make some forward progress.

Even making that progress, no matter how small, will make you feel better about yourself. But you don't need to fix everything tomorrow, or maybe even ever. If you eventually get to 50% fixed, you might feel happy enough.

I'll try my best. Thanks a lot

Probably nothing "wrong" with you bc you are recognizing some of the issues. A lot of what you listed you can change--and you even see that...you are just stuck in hamster wheel....take the first step and do something different....go outside, take a walk, eat something healthy, clear your head. Sometimes just changing your environment can change how you feel.... Dont know anything of your story but sounds like if you could get some support/counseling you could turn things around and make a new start. Everything can change-one day at at time. Maybe start by reaching back out to the friends who are texting you....if you trust any of them, tell them you are struggling....wishing you the best....

Thank you <3

Yeah I'm the same. Feels like I wrote this lol.

im sorry, I know how horrible it feels. I wish life gets better for the both of us soon enough