I'm starting to have fascist thoughts

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I was born 2002, and live in a democratic South East Asian country. I also am a closeted atheist. I've been daydreaming a lot about a scenario where I am a politician that "changes my country" who also has a cult of personality. I watch the movie, "Look who's back" which is about Hitler somehow being in the modern world, and my mind went, "Damn, Hitler is literally me..." The movie wants to spread the message that the Evils of Nazis are not unique to the past, they still exist. But my mind, instead of being motivated to resist far-right ideas, it went "Oh well, nothing has changed rupanya, guess I'll just adapt. It's useless to fight."

I'm not really sure what fascism means, but the definition I'm going for is "When you see the injustice in the World, you just accept it instead of challenging it." Like the Nazis embracing how horrible human nature is and using it to start the holocaust. I should note, I haven't and probably don't have the attention span to read any books about politics.

Every time I see the political landscape of the world and rising far-right, I am filled with frustration. I have no place to channel my frustration, I feel like I just want to be evil. Sometimes, I purposely act toxic online just to have the feeling of what it is like to be an asshole and not feel any guilt about it. Like Big Jack Horner from Puss in Boots 2, Dr. Goebbels from Downfall. Just be evil, no need to feel guilty and hide it. If I watch a show with a good villain, I'll probably idolize them.

Of course, I know damn well my qualities are no where near them. Hitler served in WW1 and good at public speaking, Goebbels was a propaganda genius. Meanwhile, I am just chronically online, uncomfortable with touching grass, will probably hide from a draft and all other stuff pathetic people do.

I'm too lazy to support change. I see the injustices and I choose to accept and adapt, instead of refuse and challenge.
Do you feel it too? Or am I a lost cause.

 

[OrphicEnd]

the definition I'm going for is "When you see the injustice in the World, you just accept it instead of challenging it."

In this case the majority of the world is, and even all the people here (since dying isn't to challenge).
Fachism is more like imposing an illogical and immoral ideology I would say.

I feel like I just want to be evil. Sometimes, I purposely act toxic online just to have the feeling of what it is like to be an asshole and not feel any guilt about it

If you do so, do it to people who deserve it I guess even if you risk answering me that everyone deserves it to a certain extent.
There is a difference between not taking action and actively taking action

 

[ApparentlyNot]

I think the thoughts you're having are understandable. To be clear, that isn't facism. Facism is a political and philosophical movement, or regime that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition. I think you are just leaning into philosophical pessimism and taking on an acceptance of such pessimism as a way to cope with how horrible everything is.

Maybe I'm wrong. The part when you start favorably comparing Hitler and Goebbels to yourself is a bit confusing...