Venting I'm so stressed out I just don't know how to do it

[prompt_critical]

I just can't find my sweet spot, I practice for ages then get paranoid I'll have a stroke and I just feel worse and numb. My therapist says I don't even want to die and no one really knows what's going on.

I don't know what's stopping me or whats fucked up in my head and I'm paranoid I'm romanticising it but I really do want to die. I just want an instant method but I'm in the retarded UK where I'm just fucked. I don't know how to just get my head straight and go and FSH, I can't live like this. What pushes you over that final precipice?

I wish I knew.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Exact same situation here. I've been rehearsing all morning--I wouldn't dignify these acts as "attempts."

Perhaps my strategy of leaning into it, kind of maximizing partial before I step off, is bad. I've seen it in videos and it seems to be a fast way to unconsciousness, but it also means gradually feeling the big squeeze.

That scares me out of it. I'm already heavy on the rope and I'm trying to step to get heavier. Maybe a sudden weighting of the rope is better. Rope tight but no weight, make the decision, kick the chair.

 

[lpdsvm]

Take your time. Try to read more about it. Even more than already read. There is always something new. I tried that and a ratchet and different objects to put pressure- nothing. After getting SN I got lazy to try it anything new I found, but I don't want to solely rely on SN. I find partial more peaceful and no SI.
I thought my life ended last summer and I started to panic but still ok for now - funny I know.

 

[violetforever]

me neither. i feel dizzy and like im about to reach unconsciousness so i think ive found it but then its taken too long and my head starts pounding so i give up. im frustrated that im not experiencing that quick and seemingly painless unconsciousness in 15-20 seconds that i see people talk about.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

that quick and seemingly painless unconsciousness in 15-20 seconds that i see people talk about.

Unfortunately I think those 15-20 seconds are very painful

 

[prompt_critical]

me neither. i feel dizzy and like im about to reach unconsciousness so i think ive found it but then its taken too long and my head starts pounding so i give up. im frustrated that im not experiencing that quick and seemingly painless unconsciousness in 15-20 seconds that i see people talk about.

Im starting to think that's a myth or people are applying incredible amounts of pressure. I also don't understand how people are able to breathe, I can't even hit my jugulars without cutting off my breathing.

Take your time. Try to read more about it. Even more than already read. There is always something new. I tried that and a ratchet and different objects to put pressure- nothing. After getting SN I got lazy to try it anything new I found, but I don't want to solely rely on SN. I find partial more peaceful and no SI.
I thought my life ended last summer and I started to panic but still ok for now - funny I know.

What position do you find most peaceful with partial?

 

[itsgone2]

Unfortunately I think those 15-20 seconds are very painful

Our brains prioritizes saving those seconds. But then we are spending days in pain. Unreal. SI sucks

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Our brains prioritizes saving those seconds. But then we are spending days in pain. Unreal. SI sucks

I whine, whine, whine, and sit, sit, sit. This is such awful cowardly addictive behavior. I'm just getting high on hanging theater and posting here.

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

I no longer believe there is a limit. I'm 60 years old, and for 40 years I've wished I weren't alive. I drag myself through life pathetically. Between the anger at being alive and the anger at not having been able to end it yet, I try to find comfort in the logic behind this situation. It's just an artificial mechanism that prevents me from ending this useless thing. I often see myself as an ant being dragged by water. It could just give up, but it doesn't. There's no reason, just the inherent programming of everything that is alive. In the case of humans, this programming is further aggravated by our awareness of everything. This is what makes us seek peaceful, quick, and painless methods. I'm just an insect. It's natural that I resist. Most of us would calmly abandon this mechanism if we had access to assisted suicide.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

@Tired_birth_1967 that's exactly right. A painless drug! Sweet sleep! It would be so beautiful.

 

[violetforever]

Unfortunately I think those 15-20 seconds are very painful

i feel about 15 seconds of just dizziness and weakness though. thats why i think im about to pass out. but then i remain conscious and my head starts to hurt. i cant figure out what im doing wrong. i must not be getting the carotid arteries? i never have really experienced my vision going black yet.

Im starting to think that's a myth or people are applying incredible amounts of pressure. I also don't understand how people are able to breathe, I can't even hit my jugulars without cutting off my breathing.

i can kind of still breathe. it makes me feel like im doing it wrong.

 

[prompt_critical]

Take your time. Try to read more about it. Even more than already read. There is always something new. I tried that and a ratchet and different objects to put pressure- nothing. After getting SN I got lazy to try it anything new I found, but I don't want to solely rely on SN. I find partial more peaceful and no SI.
I thought my life ended last summer and I started to panic but still ok for now - funny I know.

What position do you find most peaceful with partial?

i feel about 15 seconds of just dizziness and weakness though. thats why i think im about to pass out. but then i remain conscious and my head starts to hurt. i cant figure out what im doing wrong. i must not be getting the carotid arteries? i never have really experienced my vision going black yet.

i can kind of still breathe. it makes me feel like im doing it wrong.

How are you leaning into it, like which of these?

 

[Untoten_]

Im starting to think that's a myth or people are applying incredible amounts of pressure. I also don't understand how people are able to breathe, I can't even hit my jugulars without cutting off my breathing.

What position do you find most peaceful with partial?

I HAVE blacked out when hanging my self before. I have zero reason to lie about this. For the other times I wasn't able to recreate it again. I don't even remembering it happening.

Just waking up on the floor with a splitting headache after the wire snapping and I hit the back of my head going down.


It IS plausible. And again I was never able to recreate it even after trying multiple other times.

 

[prompt_critical]

I HAVE blacked out when hanging my self before. I have zero reason to lie about this. For the other times I wasn't able to recreate it again. I don't even remembering it happening.

Just waking up on the floor with a splitting headache after the wire snapping and I hit the back of my head going down.


It IS plausible. And again I was never able to recreate it even after trying multiple other times.

I 100% believe you, I mean with test attempts I don't understand how people make themselves pass out without fully committing.

Did you PSH or FSH?

 

[violetforever]

How are you leaning into it, like which of these?

i havent even tried an anchor yet maybe thats why im getting nowhere lol. i need an actual good rope too. im kind of just trying to squeeze and tighten on my neck to find the right area.

 

[Untoten_]

I 100% believe you, I mean with test attempts I don't understand how people make themselves pass out without fully committing.

Did you PSH or FSH?

I was full at the time. Hence the snapping and thundercunting the back of my head on what I think was my bed frame when I went down.

I used the wire for the outside satellite dish. Thought it would hold my weight. It didn't.