Venting i’m so lonely it’s unbearable

[47a920]

For more context, I'm low functioning autistic and have always had trouble coming out of my shell to speak to people LOL soo for my whole life I've only had one very close friend. I was also homeschooled for my school years meaning even as a child I didn't relate to a lot of my peers who were experiencing having friends and relationships. I did have one other boyfriend in the past which was very rough on me when it ended but after I managed to readjust, I was pretty much back to normal. The only thing is that Since then I have had a much harder struggle with showing my emotions out of fear and embarrassment. I have been more distant from my best friend and grown completely detached from any of my family. However I met a boy that I am really attracted to a few months back and we have been talking every day. We got so close in such little time, it didn't even feel real to me. This was the first time I have ever opened up to a human being about how much I detest other humans for the way I've been treated, and he understood me. He made me feel comfortable enough to speak about my past and how difficult emotions are. He finally asked me to be his girlfriend and this was the happiest I've been in forever. Things were going really really good for me. Now the shitty part is that 2 nights ago, he told me "something serious happened" but he wouldn't tell me the situation, despite mentioning it to me in the first place. This went on for almost 2 hours, I asked him what happened but he only kept dragging it more and more as if he was trying to make me a desperate anxious wreck on purpose. With the context I had (I won't go into detail but it was pretty fucking obvious with what I was given), It sounded like he was talking to someone he dated or talked to romantically in the past again. I was so fucking upset. I told him to "please just let me be" and then blocked him. Today I have cried more than I have cried in years, and I am so fucking humiliated!!!! because this all could have been prevented if I was smarter and chose to stay by myself instead like I have been all these years. My feelings have been hurt a lot over this relationship (only over little useless things) but of course I tend to be very emotional when I can finally express myself after bottling it up forever, as do most people; even so nothing like that has happened until now. This was simply my breaking point. I don't expect anyone to read all this shit but iam extremely lonely while I'm dealing with everything so I kinda just need a place to scream into the void. The only thing I gathered from this was that I have always been correct about people and more specifically dating. It is one huge pain in the ass and this will be the last time I waste my time on any person like an idiot ever again

 

[violetforever]

The only thing I gathered from this was that I have always been correct about people and more specifically dating. It is one huge pain in the ass and this will be the last time I waste my time on any person like an idiot ever again

me too

 

[stinky_joe]

Something similar happened to me too just a week ago. I was really into this girl and we started dating. I felt like she was into me aswell by the look on her face whenever we were together. I could see how happy he was. But then, one night she was replying very late to my texts so I asked her why, and she told me that she was NEVER going to value me the way i valued her. She also told me that she did not want to "raise a child". That fucking broke me. Everytime I get comfortable around someone, they move away from me. I hate every moment that I tried and hoped instead of staying away from her. I hate that I want someone to love me.

I wish you wouldnt go through those things but at least know that there are other people going through hard times and that you are not alone <3

 

[47a920]

Something similar happened to me too just a week ago. I was really into this girl and we started dating. I felt like she was into me aswell by the look on her face whenever we were together. I could see how happy he was. But then, one night she was replying very late to my texts so I asked her why, and she told me that she was NEVER going to value me the way i valued her. She also told me that she did not want to "raise a child". That fucking broke me. Everytime I get comfortable around someone, they move away from me. I hate every moment that I tried and hoped instead of staying away from her. I hate that I want someone to love me.

I wish you wouldnt go through those things but at least know that there are other people going through hard times and that you are not alone <3

that's really fucked i hope ur doing okay, i feel the same about people constantly getying distance one i put my guard down, hopefully we will both find someone who will understand us one day

 

[spacealiens]

For more context, I'm low functioning autistic and have always had trouble coming out of my shell to speak to people LOL soo for my whole life I've only had one very close friend. I was also homeschooled for my school years meaning even as a child I didn't relate to a lot of my peers who were experiencing having friends and relationships. I did have one other boyfriend in the past which was very rough on me when it ended but after I managed to readjust, I was pretty much back to normal. The only thing is that Since then I have had a much harder struggle with showing my emotions out of fear and embarrassment. I have been more distant from my best friend and grown completely detached from any of my family. However I met a boy that I am really attracted to a few months back and we have been talking every day. We got so close in such little time, it didn't even feel real to me. This was the first time I have ever opened up to a human being about how much I detest other humans for the way I've been treated, and he understood me. He made me feel comfortable enough to speak about my past and how difficult emotions are. He finally asked me to be his girlfriend and this was the happiest I've been in forever. Things were going really really good for me. Now the shitty part is that 2 nights ago, he told me "something serious happened" but he wouldn't tell me the situation, despite mentioning it to me in the first place. This went on for almost 2 hours, I asked him what happened but he only kept dragging it more and more as if he was trying to make me a desperate anxious wreck on purpose. With the context I had (I won't go into detail but it was pretty fucking obvious with what I was given), It sounded like he was talking to someone he dated or talked to romantically in the past again. I was so fucking upset. I told him to "please just let me be" and then blocked him. Today I have cried more than I have cried in years, and I am so fucking humiliated!!!! because this all could have been prevented if I was smarter and chose to stay by myself instead like I have been all these years. My feelings have been hurt a lot over this relationship (only over little useless things) but of course I tend to be very emotional when I can finally express myself after bottling it up forever, as do most people; even so nothing like that has happened until now. This was simply my breaking point. I don't expect anyone to read all this shit but iam extremely lonely while I'm dealing with everything so I kinda just need a place to scream into the void. The only thing I gathered from this was that I have always been correct about people and more specifically dating. It is one huge pain in the ass and this will be the last time I waste my time on any person like an idiot ever again

Im here for you I have autism too I wish you the best god bless you I will pray for you sometimes I get lonely too but I believe there is options to help you social events you can join or groups. Such as spiritual events. Or yoga. Or sports. Anyhow I've had similar experiences too. I often enjoy alone time but I haven't yet my own place but I enjoy getting away from things at times that are stressing me. Anyhow I'm sure you will meet more amazing people there's plenty of groups you can join like hiking or exercise groups and can make plenty of friends without the intent of dating and eventually you will find someone amazing. Anyhow god bless I believe things will get better for you I will pray for you

 

[spacealiens]

For more context, I'm low functioning autistic and have always had trouble coming out of my shell to speak to people LOL soo for my whole life I've only had one very close friend. I was also homeschooled for my school years meaning even as a child I didn't relate to a lot of my peers who were experiencing having friends and relationships. I did have one other boyfriend in the past which was very rough on me when it ended but after I managed to readjust, I was pretty much back to normal. The only thing is that Since then I have had a much harder struggle with showing my emotions out of fear and embarrassment. I have been more distant from my best friend and grown completely detached from any of my family. However I met a boy that I am really attracted to a few months back and we have been talking every day. We got so close in such little time, it didn't even feel real to me. This was the first time I have ever opened up to a human being about how much I detest other humans for the way I've been treated, and he understood me. He made me feel comfortable enough to speak about my past and how difficult emotions are. He finally asked me to be his girlfriend and this was the happiest I've been in forever. Things were going really really good for me. Now the shitty part is that 2 nights ago, he told me "something serious happened" but he wouldn't tell me the situation, despite mentioning it to me in the first place. This went on for almost 2 hours, I asked him what happened but he only kept dragging it more and more as if he was trying to make me a desperate anxious wreck on purpose. With the context I had (I won't go into detail but it was pretty fucking obvious with what I was given), It sounded like he was talking to someone he dated or talked to romantically in the past again. I was so fucking upset. I told him to "please just let me be" and then blocked him. Today I have cried more than I have cried in years, and I am so fucking humiliated!!!! because this all could have been prevented if I was smarter and chose to stay by myself instead like I have been all these years. My feelings have been hurt a lot over this relationship (only over little useless things) but of course I tend to be very emotional when I can finally express myself after bottling it up forever, as do most people; even so nothing like that has happened until now. This was simply my breaking point. I don't expect anyone to read all this shit but iam extremely lonely while I'm dealing with everything so I kinda just need a place to scream into the void. The only thing I gathered from this was that I have always been correct about people and more specifically dating. It is one huge pain in the ass and this will be the last time I waste my time on any person like an idiot ever again

Chill out and relax too if your stress try and dedicate time away from what's stressing you if possible and disconnect and forget about. I like chilling in nature or cuddling my snuggle munchkins dogs and giving them steak haha

 

[47a920]

Im here for you I have autism too I wish you the best god bless you I will pray for you sometimes I get lonely too but I believe there is options to help you social events you can join or groups. Such as spiritual events. Or yoga. Or sports. Anyhow I've had similar experiences too. I often enjoy alone time but I haven't yet my own place but I enjoy getting away from things at times that are stressing me. Anyhow I'm sure you will meet more amazing people there's plenty of groups you can join like hiking or exercise groups and can make plenty of friends without the intent of dating and eventually you will find someone amazing. Anyhow god bless I believe things will get better for you I will pray for you

i like my alone time too Lol it just kinda sucks not having anyone who understands but talking to people like u on here who get me makes me feel a lot better about it I really really appreciate u