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G

G000pie

Member
Jan 15, 2025
39
I've been putting it off for so long, always saying "I'll do it this weekend" but I'm running out of time and need to get it done whie I still can... but I guess it just has dawned on me how real it all is. I don't want to keep living, to keep suffering, and my suffering will only increase if I keep waiting. But I'm scared. I'm scared of the pain, the loss of conciousness, the black void or whatever is beyond... I was at peace about it back in January and February, I should've gone back then but I had to go and give myself hope again. But I can see it was just me coping. There is no hope. And I don't know how to get that peace back.
I can't talk to anyone about this irl cause they'd freak out and get angry or try to convince me to stay- or just throw me in a psych ward so I can get even more trauma. I need to leave. I need to die. But I'm just scared. Really, really scared.
 
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kunikuzushi

kunikuzushi

sause
Jan 24, 2023
391
Yes it is very very scary. I'm sorry you feel so alone. I'm here. I understand it's frustrating not being able to talk about this with most people outside of this place.
I feel the same knowing my suffering will just increase the longer I wait, and it makes me so scared too. And I also had peace about dying once and it's gone now. I really wish you can get it back.
 
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