Venting I’m scared to be alone

[toxicjester]

There's still so many logistical things I need to figure out for my ctb. I wanted to do CO with charcoals but it seems like there's so many failed attempts. SN seems like the preferred method but seeing the experiences people have had with throwing up and feeling nauseous n stuff scares me.

And then the big thing, I don't want to be alone.

I feel like I've had to be alone so much in my life. And I always told myself that I was born alone and that I'd die alone. But I'm so so scared of being alone even in my waking life. I've already lost the few amount of friends I've had. And it feels like everyday my relationship gets closer to ending, or worse.

For my ctb I'm gonna be cuddling a big seal plush, and recently I found one online that I think is exactly what I want, although it's almost $100. I think that would help my feeling of loneliness a little, along with listening to music, but I still feel like it's way different than having someone with you. I just don't know how you'd do that realistically in a way that doesn't hurt the person.

I don't know. I'm scared. I feel like a broken record saying this shit in like all of my posts but I want my mama

 

[melonpan]

I hope you can find peace in leaving and if not, find it in living.
If you're scared of the loneliness that comes with death: a few people here call others while they CTB if not meetup (albeit that is a pretty skeptical option for many), maybe you can do the same?

 

[toxicjester]

I hope you can find peace in leaving and if not, find it in living.
If you're scared of the loneliness that comes with death: a few people here call others while they CTB if not meetup (albeit that is a pretty skeptical option for many), maybe you can do the same?

For the moment I think I'm gonna try to ride it out and give it an honest go, although I'm still gonna try to iron out my plan so that I have that as a back up. And I thought about doing that, if anything else than for documentation purposes since there's not really a cool resource that I've seen for CO poisoning but I dunno, I don't know a whole lot of peeps on here (although I'd like to)
I guess I'll see where this takes me