I’m really trying, but I don’t feel like I can do it.

[RollingLights]

I've been trying to get better with my suicidal ideations/thoughts. I'm doing therapy and all that shit, but I still think of killing myself almost every day, it's a constant desire. I've been cutting myself for a while now, and I'm about 2 weeks clean, but I really don't know if I can keep doing it, I've, got the knife pressed on my arm, not cutting but enough to feel a little pain. I want to get better, but it doesn't feel right to not be in pain (as edgy as that sounds). My only real positive coping mechanism is smoking weed, which I'm fully aware is t a good coping mechanism, but it works. Sorry for the vent lol, just been trying to feel better for so long and life isn't getting better, and I still feel like hurting myself, just maybe a bit less now.

 

[CC123]

recovery is not a straight line upwards
you are doing well
you have much to be proud of

 

[RollingLights]

recovery is not a straight line upwards
you are doing well
you have much to be proud of

Thanks, do you happen to know ways I can try and not cut, I've been really close to relapsing recently

 

[Enlighten]

I've been trying to get better with my suicidal ideations/thoughts. I'm doing therapy and all that shit, but I still think of killing myself almost every day, it's a constant desire. I've been cutting myself for a while now, and I'm about 2 weeks clean, but I really don't know if I can keep doing it, I've, got the knife pressed on my arm, not cutting but enough to feel a little pain. I want to get better, but it doesn't feel right to not be in pain (as edgy as that sounds). My only real positive coping mechanism is smoking weed, which I'm fully aware is t a good coping mechanism, but it works. Sorry for the vent lol, just been trying to feel better for so long and life isn't getting better, and I still feel like hurting myself, just maybe a bit less now.

Maybe try "hurting" yourself by doing very intense sports? Like sprinting or st? That can kick the life out of you too, but is way more healthy.

 

[HerLastWords]

Recovery is something hard, and most of the time you'll feel like you're not getting anywhere. But trust me, it takes time, your time. You're doing well and I'm proud of you for trying, that's more than enough.