im jealous of charlie kirk

[brighteyesfan144]

my mental health is declining rapidly.

i wish i had even one person in this world who loved me or cared about me. it feels sad that i read a lot of people's suicidal posts and the comments are filled with people talking about "loved ones" and stuff. i don't have any of that. my whole family doesn't give a fuck about me, i probably won't ever talk to them again and that's just me protecting myself. but people will write "if you have even one person in your life who cares about you or loves you, please don't kill yourself" every time i read that there's this voice in my head that tells me, well you're the outlier so

i really wish i wasn't so pathetically afraid to face death. i also wish i could be strong enough to survive but it's hard when you're all alone.

 

[ratscuff]

Feeling this terribly right now. I'm in the same exact boat. I can't remember when the last interaction I've had with any family member was, and I don't have any friends. The only one in my life is my partner(?), whom I was forced to kick out a week or two ago (time fog) due to their abuse. But I'm not here to talk about myself like that.

My heart goes out to you. It really does. I know that sounds fake or maybe a bit redundant, but I care. Some random fellow-loner on the internet.

I'm not here to tell you it'll get better, it may not. Maybe it will. Who knows. But I care, and I believe there are others on here too shy to say the same thing. The world's torment is just too much on the psyche to be able to speak up sometimes.

Wishing for death but being afraid of dealing it by your own hand is normal. It may feel pathetic, but you have the strength to even admit it. That's a feat that a lot wouldn't dare cross.

This is a bit all over the place because, admittedly, I am also extremely unwell at the moment. But I wanted to let you know you aren't feeling this alone, and if it brings you any solace I will think about you. As do all I comment for. I know its not any "saving grace", and may even appear like reaction-farming, but I know how it feels to be in your shoes 100% and wanted to provide a quiet acquaintance. Even if this is the only interaction we end up sharing.

Hope you're holding up as well as you can right now, friend. Even if its day-to-day, indulging in the smallest of hobbies just to keep going, or whatever. It happens. You've done well by making it this far, and my heart goes out to your future, wherever you end up and with whatever it holds.

 

[brighteyesfan144]

Feeling this terribly right now. I'm in the same exact boat. I can't remember when the last interaction I've had with any family member was, and I don't have any friends. The only one in my life is my partner(?), whom I was forced to kick out a week or two ago (time fog) due to their abuse. But I'm not here to talk about myself like that.

My heart goes out to you. It really does. I know that sounds fake or maybe a bit redundant, but I care. Some random fellow-loner on the internet.

I'm not here to tell you it'll get better, it may not. Maybe it will. Who knows. But I care, and I believe there are others on here too shy to say the same thing. The world's torment is just too much on the psyche to be able to speak up sometimes.

Wishing for death but being afraid of dealing it by your own hand is normal. It may feel pathetic, but you have the strength to even admit it. That's a feat that a lot wouldn't dare cross.

This is a bit all over the place because, admittedly, I am also extremely unwell at the moment. But I wanted to let you know you aren't feeling this alone, and if it brings you any solace I will think about you. As do all I comment for. I know its not any "saving grace", and may even appear like reaction-farming, but I know how it feels to be in your shoes 100% and wanted to provide a quiet acquaintance. Even if this is the only interaction we end up sharing.

Hope you're holding up as well as you can right now, friend. Even if its day-to-day, indulging in the smallest of hobbies just to keep going, or whatever. It happens. You've done well by making it this far, and my heart goes out to your future, wherever you end up and with whatever it holds.

Thank you, your comment means a lot.

For what it's worth I also identify with the term "exiled eldritch." My family quite literally attempted to exile me into the forest and warned me not to go to my grandmother for help but I had nowhere to turn and she did help me, so luckily I have an apartment and am paying rent now. But I was struggling a lot financially and they refused to help me or give me a roof over my head.

I can't really give a lot of context into why they feel so strongly about me because I literally don't understand, but I assume it is because I am "weird, sinister, or ghostly" which is what I found when looking up the definition of Eldritch.

Stay cool friend. Thanks again.

 

[statikfeedback]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I hope that you are able to find peace, whatever that may look like for you. I also feel intense envy towards those who are taken early from this Earth. They get to experience the ultimate freedom, without carrying the guilt of doing it to themselves. I could only imagine how hard it must be for you to be fighting everyday completely on your own. I also struggle with wanting to die desperately, but being afraid of actually committing to that choice. Though I know my words are not even close to being a band-aid to the pain you're experiencing, I hope that you can find some comfort in knowing that your feelings are valid and understood.

 

[rainatthetraintrack]

feel that way too a lot when someone well known dies
i just want to switch places with them

 

[somewhatdeadly]

seriously lol i wish i could i die just like that

 

[brighteyesfan144]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I hope that you are able to find peace, whatever that may look like for you. I also feel intense envy towards those who are taken early from this Earth. They get to experience the ultimate freedom, without carrying the guilt of doing it to themselves. I could only imagine how hard it must be for you to be fighting everyday completely on your own. I also struggle with wanting to die desperately, but being afraid of actually committing to that choice. Though I know my words are not even close to being a band-aid to the pain you're experiencing, I hope that you can find some comfort in knowing that your feelings are valid and understood.

your words do mean a lot. i think it just helps that someone can recognize that it is hard to be alone. just the cooking and the cleaning for only yourself is exhausting. it's also hard to pay for everything when everything is just for one person. if two people split necessity costs it's much easier to survive.

 

[Fe(IV)]

seriously lol i wish i could i die just like that

Love him or hate him, he died surrounded by people that at least liked him, doing the job he liked, and so suddenly I can only imagine it was painless.

your words do mean a lot. i think it just helps that someone can recognize that it is hard to be alone. just the cooking and the cleaning for only yourself is exhausting. it's also hard to pay for everything when everything is just for one person. if two people split necessity costs it's much easier to survive.

It truly is, I'm in the same boat, alone, except I barely clean anymore. All I'm thankful for is a dishwasher that can be a chore just to load and unload. I hope you find your inner peace

 

[nemesis_]

same, honestly. i hope this doesn't come off as disrespectful, but man do i wish that was me.

what's weird is that two days before it happened, i was watching videos of sniper shots because i wished someone would do that to me. i've been experiencing a lot of odd coincidences and synchronicities lately lol.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I can't pay hire someone to shoot me because they made it a crime. how evil is that if i'm suffering constant unbearable pain i can't just pay someone to put me out of my misery.

imo shows guns can be instant and painless dying. i wish i could hire someone to shoot me in the head 10 x if need be. but the first shot would knock me unconscious.

i just want to die painlessly quick in a guaranteed way but they made all guaranteed methods into crimes.

I can't pay hire someone to shoot me because they made it a crime. how evil is that if i'm suffering constant unbearable pain i can't just pay someone to put me out of my misery. it's fucking voluntary i want it i need it . it's like an animal is suffering unbearable pain and then it's ok to shoot it to put it out of its misery but not me and the animal didn't even ask for it but i am .

a dog or cat can get Nembutal but i or any human has to suffer extreme torture . just for that reason but many more i wouldn't want to live in this unfathomly evil world.

instead i have to shoot myself with only one shot and hope i die instantly not remain alive with brain damage. i fear failing. it's a million times more difficult to shoot yourself than to pay someone else to do it.

and nobody knows me i would want to die even if i had what they say is a "good" life so i can't leave this hell easiliy guranteed painlessly even though the tech is there or hiring someone to help you woul make it guaranteed . and not just assisting they made into crimes. Nembutal, sarcro suicide booths etc all guranteed painless quick methods they evily made into crimes .

 

[brighteyesfan144]

Love him or hate him, he died surrounded by people that at least liked him, doing the job he liked, and so suddenly I can only imagine it was painless.



It truly is, I'm in the same boat, alone, except I barely clean anymore. All I'm thankful for is a dishwasher that can be a chore just to load and unload. I hope you find your inner peace

I know right. It's a long story but I had a dishwasher in my last place and it was such a blessing albeit it was on the floor below. So I had to carry dishes in a box up and down the stairs every day and eventually dishes piled up anyways. I try my best.

I can't pay hire someone to shoot me because they made it a crime. how evil is that if i'm suffering constant unbearable pain i can't just pay someone to put me out of my misery.

imo shows guns can be instant and painless dying. i wish i could hire someone to shoot me in the head 10 x if need be. but the first shot would knock me unconscious.

i just want to die painlessly quick in a guaranteed way but they made all guaranteed methods into crimes.

I can't pay hire someone to shoot me because they made it a crime. how evil is that if i'm suffering constant unbearable pain i can't just pay someone to put me out of my misery. it's fucking voluntary i want it i need it . it's like an animal is suffering unbearable pain and then it's ok to shoot it to put it out of its misery but not me and the animal didn't even ask for it but i am .

a dog or cat can get Nembutal but i or any human has to suffer extreme torture . just for that reason but many more i wouldn't want to live in this unfathomly evil world.

instead i have to shoot myself with only one shot and hope i die instantly not remain alive with brain damage. i fear failing. it's a million times more difficult to shoot yourself than to pay someone else to do it.

and nobody knows me i would want to die even if i had what they say is a "good life so i can't leave this hell easiliy guranteed painless even thought the tech is there or hiring someone to help you . and not just assisting they made into crimes. Nembutal, sarcro suicide booths etc all guranteed painless quick methods they evily made into crimes .

I agree the prohibition on suicide is extremely stupid. To a degree, I understand that there is a certain way to do things so that you don't harm others, especially suicide which is why we have sites like this. However, the prohibition is what makes people do crazy things like jump off buildings possibly harming others. It's just dumb. If someone wants to die, they should be allowed to make that choice for themselves without interference.

You know what I think would happen if that were the case? It would probably happen a LOT. So much so that the world would be forced to change and all the greed and evil corruption would have no choice to stop because the world is shitty enough that everyone is suicidal? I believe the majority of people have wanted to kill themselves before. So maybe that would force change and make the world a better place. Just a theory.

 

[anonymousperson]

I am mostly jealous because he died in an instant without pain or seeing it coming. I want that so badly. I am sad it was him who didn't want to die instead of someone like me who DOES. As sick as is it when I've known people in real life who died unexpectedly or even by suicide I am SO jealous.

 

[caramelkidney]

I am mostly jealous because he died in an instant without pain or seeing it coming. I want that so badly. I am sad it was him who didn't want to die instead of someone like me who DOES. As sick as is it when I've known people in real life who died unexpectedly or even by suicide I am SO jealous.

id argue it wasn't without pain. getting shot in the neck means youll probably choke on your own blood before you bleed out which is not a fun experience. although, i am still jealous he got shock in the neck and not the ear like that trump attempt. even if its an excruciating death, he still died fairly quickly and by god do i want that.

 

[Xiaojiu]

I am mostly jealous because he died in an instant without pain or seeing it coming. I want that so badly. I am sad it was him who didn't want to die instead of someone like me who DOES. As sick as is it when I've known people in real life who died unexpectedly or even by suicide I am SO jealous.

I feel the same way omfg. I thought about how he only was alive for a few seconds and most likely didn't feel a shit ton of pain because it ended so quickly for him.

When I found out, I was so jealous. I was like, "I wish it was me instead." Cause obviously that guy wanted to live. I don't anymore, so why am I still here? Smfh

 

[Alexandra_]

I also envy instant death. Not everyone is destined to die like that. I'm so sorry you feel lonely. I know firsthand what loneliness is

 

[Ligottian]

Writer Thomas Ligotti once said the best death anyone can hope for is never knowing what hit you.

 

[anonymousperson]

id argue it wasn't without pain. getting shot in the neck means youll probably choke on your own blood before you bleed out which is not a fun experience. although, i am still jealous he got shock in the neck and not the ear like that trump attempt. even if its an excruciating death, he still died fairly quickly and by god do i want that.

Did you see the video? He instantly went into decorticate posturing so likely the bullet or reverberation waves damaged his spinal cord. He was unconscious/lights out the second it hit him from a combination of that and shock reflex.