Venting I'm hyper-self aware of my own irrational thought patterns and why my psychiatric diagnoses and that is mainly why it's causing me distress

[KillingPain267]

Even psychiatrists have praised how well I can articulate my thought patterns. Only thing is that I can't change them. Maybe because nobody can just tell me I'm irrational since I already deeply know that.

I double-triple analyse everything I'm thinking and feeling.

This issue is also why I gravitate towards depressant drugs such as opioids and alcohol. It even takes large doses to tone down my cognition enough to where I don't dive deep into any specific thought or feeling.

Being hyper-self aware is a curse. I just want to sleep without dreaming. I even prefer being so exhausted and tired that I lack energy to triple analyse feelings and just pass out in front of a mindless movie or social media "brainrot".

 

[roommate]

Man this kinda sounds like my autism in a way.
It sucks to have those annoying patterns always following you.
Hopefully coping gets easier