Venting I'm horrible

[kinderbueno]

I keep on getting angry very quickly at people. I try to remain calm but this stupid fucking brain of mine decided to make my life harder for me and now I just take it out onto other people by getting angry and either arguing or shouting or saying hurtful things to them, even though I know it's wrong. It's like I just act on impulse...I don't think about my actions anymore I hurt people even though I don't mean to and I don't want to. I feel as if I don't have a mind of my own I just do things randomly, I've lost control of myself and I feel so guilty about it. I only vent to one person and I feel like I'm just being a burden because I only vent to him because he's the only person (apart from my ex, who's blocked me) who I can talk to about my personal issues and I just hate it so much I wanna stop being a burden to people. He's always so understanding and takes time to properly listen to me vent and cry, but I feel so goddamn guilty for venting to him

 

[GuessWhosBack]

I used to do this when I was unaware of my anxiety. I unconsciously contract many muscles in my body. This makes me feel uneasy when expected to interact in social settings. When this happens, small things throw me off more easily.

I've learnt to deal with this by applying progressive muscle relaxation. Simply by being more aware of my musculature and making a conscious effort to relax tension allows me to carry myself in a more level headed manner. As a result these things happen far less often now. Something something parasympathetic nervous system.

 

[kinderbueno]

I used to do this when I was unaware of my anxiety. I unconsciously contract many muscles in my body. This makes me feel uneasy when expected to interact in social settings. When this happens, small things throw me off more easily.

I've learnt to deal with this by applying progressive muscle relaxation. Simply by being more aware of my musculature and making a conscious effort to relax tension allows me to carry myself in a more level headed manner. As a result these things happen far less often now. Something something parasympathetic nervous system.

I see. I'll try doing that next time I feel like this thank you for the advice :)

 

[like-spoiledmilk]

Going through all this is rough. I've experienced the same. To me, it felt like I was just involuntarily spitting venom at people.

I think what helped me most is temperature control. If I could slow down and take a singular breath, I would leave and start splashing water on my face, pouring a cup over my head, grabbing an ice cube and tying it up within a ponytail against my scalp, or whatever I had available. It really helped me knock my body out of that "fight" instinct. Works well against panic attacks, too.

To get that space for a breath more often, it might help to start the 3-3-3 even when you're not upset. That way it becomes more retrievable as information in your brain when you are.

If you're still feeling upset after, I just start chucking the ice at the ground outside lol. It sounds crazy, but it won't hurt anyone and gets the aggression out.

Of course, you may have already tried this. I'm sure what worked for me won't work for everyone, but I hope you find something for a little peace

 

[kinderbueno]

Going through all this is rough. I've experienced the same. To me, it felt like I was just involuntarily spitting venom at people.

I think what helped me most is temperature control. If I could slow down and take a singular breath, I would leave and start splashing water on my face, pouring a cup over my head, grabbing an ice cube and tying it up within a ponytail against my scalp, or whatever I had available. It really helped me knock my body out of that "fight" instinct. Works well against panic attacks, too.

To get that space for a breath more often, it might help to start the 3-3-3 even when you're not upset. That way it becomes more retrievable as information in your brain when you are.

If you're still feeling upset after, I just start chucking the ice at the ground outside lol. It sounds crazy, but it won't hurt anyone and gets the aggression out.

Of course, you may have already tried this. I'm sure what worked for me won't work for everyone, but I hope you find something for a little peace

I see. Breathing doesn't really work for me, nor does splashing my face with water (I have sensory issues regarding water so I would end up getting a sensory overload, especially because I'm more sensitive when angry) but using ice sounds like a good idea. I'll try that next time I feel like this, thank you very much for the advice I appreciate it :)

 

[Aergia]

I wanna stop being a burden to people. He's always so understanding and takes time to properly listen to me vent and cry, but I feel so goddamn guilty for venting to him

It doesn't sound like he thinks you're a burden. It sounds like he cares about you.

 

[kinderbueno]

It doesn't sound like he thinks you're a burden. It sounds like he cares about you.

I know he cares it's just my mind tries to convince me I'm a burden and everyone secretly hates me, even though deep down I know that's not true

 

[greyblue_bian]

Yeah, I understand how you feel. I had someone here a while ago reach out to me and said we could talk about what I was going through if I ever needed it. We're now friends and I'm so happy they reached out but I still feel like I'm burdening them when I want to talk about how I'm doing with everything. But, they actually really care for me and listen to me and reassure me. Your friend sounds the same and sounds like they really care about how you're doing and your well being and like they want to be there for you. Feeling like a burden is understandable, but you're not at all