Venting i'm finally doing it

[109]

i know its not the best method and i really didnt try hard enough to do better, but that's how it is i guess
i never really ever tried hard in my life so it makes sense to have a poorly planned exit.
i have only 160mg of escitaopram and about 4000mg of acetaminophen, and it really probably wont do anything but make me throw up,
I'm gonna look for pepto or something to hopefully help, but honestly, i want to be found.
i wrote a couple notes that will hopefully be enough to convey how much i loved my family and friends and life, while simultaneously hating it enough to leave
i guess i dont really hate it, i just feel deep in my heart that i have to leave, and if I'm not strong enough to commit i owe the world an attempt, no matter how feeble it may be.
i will likely see everyone again. i hope so. i hope the world is different if i wake up. i hope i wake up, but i know i deserve to leave.
thank you everyone in this forum for existing, no matter how long you plan to. i wouldn't be here without you, and you are so much more loved than you'll ever know

 

[astr4]

i'm really sorry you're suffering so much. i know you're really desperate to have it come to an end, but i truly wouldn't advise overdosing on those pills. they are highly unlikely to do anything more than potential liver damage. obviously, it is your call in the end, and i understand sometimes even just going through the gestures can be soothing, but i wouldn't want you to still be alive and suffering even more. death will always be there for us, it's very reassuring like that, if you do make it through today you can always take another crack at it with more research. but i understand that especially when we're suffering this all sounds like platitudes so i'm sorry for that.

 

[yellowsouled]

Unfortunately, Tylenol won't really ever kill you, and if it does, it's after weeks or even months of agonizing pain. :[ This isn't the way to go, friend.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

A Caution About Drug Poisonings

This combination will be very painful, potentially lead to permanent injury, with an incredibly small (I'd estimate less than 1%) chance of successfully killing you.

You'll have very painful liver damage from the Tylenol and some hallucinations, seizures, severe vomiting & diarrhea, spasms, 'brain zaps' and other painful symptoms from serotonin syndrome due to the escitalopram.

You'll wake up the next morning at the hospital covered in shit and vomit, feeling like you just got hit by a truck, potentially injured from the seizing.

If you want them to find you then just dial 911 while hanging out near a cliff, etc. They'll send rescuers and you can have your family + medical professionals confront you that way. There are better ways to reach out for help.

If you actually wish to die, spend some time deliberating other options & potential medical options for living + social support; if dying is still what you desire after many months of deliberation + supportive intervention (lifestyle changes, medication, social or medical support, etc.), then look into MAID. If MAID is unavailable, seek SN, exit bag, or more effective methods.

In short: do the necessary steps to ensure you don't hurt yourself severely (while still living) by making spontaneous decisions. You will thank me

Wishing you peace in living or dying

 

[109]

man im a little stupid i knew all that but hearing other people say it to my face (virtually) sucks
i guess ill tell my boyfriend what i did :( hes sleeping at my house in the basement and i just idd it a couple minutes ago but im feeling super cold and not like dying just like super uncomfortable and stupid
see you all tomorrow :/

 

[toxicjester]

I can understand the want to be found and like cared for almost, it's something I always want, but this seems like if you let it run its course that it'll do more than just get the care you want, it'll actually be detrimental

I don't think your stupid, god knows I want the same thing you do, I just think your hurting so bad and want someone to be there

If you get help now then you might get the help you want without it causing lasting damage?

Whatever ends up happening I just wish you the best