As the title states 'I'm crying on the inside'.
I wish I could actually cry, to get some of this 'poison' out. I'm shaking because I'm full of emotions that I can't openly express. I never knew I could feel mental pain like this. I feel that as my 'end date' nears, I'm becoming more.... I don't know... raw. It's all so raw.
Living with mental illness for me is like being tortured but slowly over a number of years.
Those care-free days, where I could genuinely feel and express honestly how I feel. I knew who I was and where my life was going. I think I was actually happy to a degree. I could function...
Now I'm sat with my three baby cousins, who are eating their lunch, in front of me, watching them, basking in their innocence. I love them with all my heart, but knowing that the pain I feel outweighs the love I have for them cripples me. And believe me I love them so much it physically hurts.
I have an appointment to see my mental health workee tomorrow They see that I'm unraveling, but I need to keep it together enough so that they don't intervene and fuck up my plans.
Sorry rant over...
I wish I could actually cry, to get some of this 'poison' out. I'm shaking because I'm full of emotions that I can't openly express. I never knew I could feel mental pain like this. I feel that as my 'end date' nears, I'm becoming more.... I don't know... raw. It's all so raw.
Living with mental illness for me is like being tortured but slowly over a number of years.
Those care-free days, where I could genuinely feel and express honestly how I feel. I knew who I was and where my life was going. I think I was actually happy to a degree. I could function...
Now I'm sat with my three baby cousins, who are eating their lunch, in front of me, watching them, basking in their innocence. I love them with all my heart, but knowing that the pain I feel outweighs the love I have for them cripples me. And believe me I love them so much it physically hurts.
I have an appointment to see my mental health workee tomorrow They see that I'm unraveling, but I need to keep it together enough so that they don't intervene and fuck up my plans.
Sorry rant over...
