Shinobu
Ignorance is bliss.
- Apr 5, 2023
- 59
Im back again and just like I said last year even though I didnt listen to myself I got hope and now its gone crushed again and im in a chronically depressed state. Im so done with this cycle of being happy sad happy and sad the sadness is always worse then how good the happiness ever was. (If that makes sense) I had a boyfriend for 4 months life was good great even. He left me. He didn't love me anymore. I loved him so much even though it was only 4 months it was my first relationship first kiss first everything. I have moment we first kissed legit burned into my mind and I don't think it will ever go away. Its been 7 months now since I've dated others but I still love him I want him and knowing ill never have him back makes life feel so worthless. Like this isn't my only reason why I want to go but its definitely high up there. We made out for like an hour the first time we kissed the time is stuck in my head forever. I could be having a fine day and then Ill think about it again and I just lose my will to live. this is just so pathetic but for some reaosn this is just how I feel. I lost all my friends as well because of the breakup I became I bitter asshole and I pushed everyone away and I lost everyone. There is nothing in my life worthwhile that makes me want to continue living I hate living. I wish I could put it into better words how much not having my boyfriend in my life anymore hurts me but I really just suck at expressing myself and I have no idea how to describe it. Everything feels useless. I have tried. I dated other people and I still loved him I dont think I will ever be able to love again this shit sounds so fucking corny but its how I feel and I hate that its how I feel.
