Venting I'm actually realizing how deeply lonely I am

[MarrowGrinder]

Yesterday, I was on a geology trip that my school organized, and we had to stay in an hotel for the night. I choose to have a room for myself cause I was quite uncomfortable to sleep with people I barely know, somehow the school fucked up and they putted me with a girl in my class, but she left anyway for another person. I was the only person who was solitary in their room, good start.

Fast forward, some students decided to have a pool party, I also joined (because I wanted to look at some tits and feel some short lived satisfaction, yes I am extremely gross I'm aware) and ended up at the left end of the pool texting and having fun with my partner while the others were having chatting and playing, before my battery died

Fast forward, I am in my hotel room, didn't eat shit and isolated myself. I could hear the giggles and the overall fun they had, running in the corridors, going to their friend's room and playing games while I was on the bed, unable to move, starving and too tired to do anything

I realized how lonely I truly am in real life and I had an mental breakdown and almost tried to drown myself in the bathtub

I completely blew up my teenage years because of stupid depression and my cowardice. I will now pay the consequences of it, doomed to rot alone and painfully

I deserve it, I am a mistake

 

[Chanting dread]

I understand that feeling.
I used to think one day id meet someone but it always crashes and burns before i even get a chance.
I wish i could say it gets better but it doesn't.
The date on the calendar changes day after day but the pit, that void ripping you apart inside never goes away.

 

[Languish]

You and me both, Marrow. You and me both. Loneliness is a hell of a thing to endure.

 

[MarrowGrinder]

I understand that feeling.
I used to think one day id meet someone but it always crashes and burns before i even get a chance.
I wish i could say it gets better but it doesn't.
The date on the calendar changes day after day but the pit, that void ripping you apart inside never goes away.

I only wish that one day I could meet with my partner and together we could flee in a foreign country, that's the only thing that makes me want to get up in the morning

If it's impossible, I'll just kill myself

You and me both, Marrow. You and me both. Loneliness is a hell of a thing to endure.

I'm just too disgusting and stupid to them, plus I isolate myself because I feel like everytime someone talks to me they are mocking me or want to sexually assault me

I am a dumb puppy

 

[Ferret77]

I understand how you feel :(
I felt lonely all my life, I was bullied, ostracized and abused, by my family and my peers alike. I always thought there'd be a point, where it gets better, I had hope. I'm still young, in my "best years," but I have no friends or people to hang out with. The only thing stopping me from killing myself is my online best friend and my boyfriend, who lives in a different country, and we have no way to see each other rn. I love them, but.... They're just a bunch of pixels after all. In the end, I'm alone anyways.... I'm consumed by loneliness. It's so painful

 

[MarrowGrinder]

I understand how you feel :(
I felt lonely all my life, I was bullied, ostracized and abused, by my family and my peers alike. I always thought there'd be a point, where it gets better, I had hope. I'm still young, in my "best years," but I have no friends or people to hang out with. The only thing stopping me from killing myself is my online best friend and my boyfriend, who lives in a different country, and we have no way to see each other rn. I love them, but.... They're just a bunch of pixels after all. In the end, I'm alone anyways.... I'm consumed by loneliness. It's so painful

I also been bullied in 6th-7th grade because I was stinky and smelled like piss (it was later revealed that I had a sensible bladder that could leak pee if I hold it for long periods), I also got made fun off because I'm queer with fake love confessions and rape threats

 

[Ferret77]

I also been bullied in 6th-7th grade because I was stinky and smelled like piss (it was later revealed that I had a sensible bladder that could leak pee if I hold it for long periods), I also got made fun off because I'm queer with fake love confessions and rape threats

I'm sorry for that :(
Nobody deserves to be bullied