Help i’m actually done

[dnrlexola]

I attempted a couple times and failed. I was so mad at myself that I wasn't successful, but stayed alive for a little over a year since the last time. I was in the ICU for days and then hospitalized.

My dad just killed himself. Almost EXACTLY a year after I attempted. Three weeks ago. He jumped off of a bridge.

Guys, I can't do it. I can't make it through this and I don't even want to make it through this. I can't even function. I have already been through so so much and I am only 22. I don't have it in me.

Someone PLEASE tell me how I can just do it without being disfigured I guess I could hang myself and have rashes or whatever. I knew a girl that did that and she still had an open casket.

I'm not doing some dumbass SN where you feel so sick and throw up for like 40 minutes that's insane, but hey I guess it would be the last time you did that right? I don't know ugh I'm so upset

 

[witchcraft]

I'm just as lost when it comes to method. Sorry about your dad.

 

[RiftbornVeil]

I am so, so sorry you have experienced this suffering. You carry such an immense weight on your shoulders.

For SN, I would go through the posted megathreads and guides; learning about the method has sort of assured me about possibly using it. That being said, everyone is different so if you don't feel comfortable with a method, you shouldn't use it. Here's the one on SN:

SN megathread

This post will be dedicated to compiling all the information we have on the Sodium Nitrite method (SN), including what else is needed and comparing it to other popular methods. Before starting, I HIGHLY encourage you read most, if not all, of the chapters on the PPH, as this method may not be...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I hope you find a method that works for you, and you find peace through whatever means you decide.