batmanreal
4/10
- Sep 9, 2025
- 18
i've always wondered how people would treat me if they knew the severity of my depression, but i've recently realized that it doesn't really matter.
i think everyone, to an extent, understands my situation. my family and a few people who were very close to me were all very aware of my ctb attempt, some of them were aware of the fact that i had attempted multiple times. they are all aware of my self harm, they have all heard me say that i want to die and that i am extremely miserable. none of that changed anything. i was coddled (almost infantilized by some) for a few days after my attempt, that's it. after that, it's right back to being ignored or even treated like shit. i've sorta come to the conclusion that no one believes me, they all probably think that my attempts were fake or something. so i guess they don't realize the severity of my situation? idk.
i'm a little annoyed. i know that when i ctb, there are a few people who will say "if i only knew what [name] was going through, i would have ____". it's fucking stupid. like i said, mostly everyone is completely aware of what i'm going through. even if they weren't aware, that sentiment doesn't change anything.
i'm not suicidal because "people are mean and it makes me sad :(". i'm suicidal because i'm apparently repulsive and no one wants to be around me and no one in my life will stay. someone being around me because they pity me doesn't make me feel better because it doesn't change the actual issue. maybe that just makes me pessimistic and ungrateful, though.
it sounds horrible, anyway. "yeah i would've treated [name] better and hung out with them... but only if i was 100% sure that they were gonna blow their brains out. outside of that, nah."
i think everyone, to an extent, understands my situation. my family and a few people who were very close to me were all very aware of my ctb attempt, some of them were aware of the fact that i had attempted multiple times. they are all aware of my self harm, they have all heard me say that i want to die and that i am extremely miserable. none of that changed anything. i was coddled (almost infantilized by some) for a few days after my attempt, that's it. after that, it's right back to being ignored or even treated like shit. i've sorta come to the conclusion that no one believes me, they all probably think that my attempts were fake or something. so i guess they don't realize the severity of my situation? idk.
i'm a little annoyed. i know that when i ctb, there are a few people who will say "if i only knew what [name] was going through, i would have ____". it's fucking stupid. like i said, mostly everyone is completely aware of what i'm going through. even if they weren't aware, that sentiment doesn't change anything.
i'm not suicidal because "people are mean and it makes me sad :(". i'm suicidal because i'm apparently repulsive and no one wants to be around me and no one in my life will stay. someone being around me because they pity me doesn't make me feel better because it doesn't change the actual issue. maybe that just makes me pessimistic and ungrateful, though.
it sounds horrible, anyway. "yeah i would've treated [name] better and hung out with them... but only if i was 100% sure that they were gonna blow their brains out. outside of that, nah."
