Help If possible, interact ?

[Buh-bye!]

I have been having nightmares again. It's all about what happened in the past. It makes me really anxious and scared, my body goes cold. . These things i cannot talk to anyone about, i am alone, real alone for that. Which means they just stay in my head like many heavy objects that weigh me down in every aspect of my life. I can't even do anything on the path of recovery while my brain is so pessimistic and upset with all of it. While writing this piece you all are reading right now, i am breathing really fast and am constantly speaking out what i write so as to not let my head be alone with me.
The thing is i seem to feel lonely a lot, considering the fact i don't have anyone to share with. Not real people. I had a habit of just venting out to people, friends and friends but ever since the last two years that i have been isolated i don't have anyone for that purpose. First few months i managed but eventually this thing started to feel more and more upsetting. Now what hurts even more is that if i think of recovery, a life like this doesn't seem very worth it. I am above 18 so making friends at this age? You all know it's just not possible in some ways, Everybody already has their pals and i can't go back to the same people after 2 years. I don't even bother trying anything to change due to this fear of never finding them.

If there's an experience one could share, that would be a relief. Anything really since it's better than being with my own thoughts that are just not the thing i want at the moment.

Thankyou for reading my piece, be well people.
Damn it fucking hurts it hurts as hellllllllll fuckkkkkkkk. Where the fuck do i go what the fuck do i do>>?????? Her man, Her, I don't eant to sa it i don't want to say i am so distant from her that now even thinking about her makes me fucking crying out of utter hopoelessness what the fuck wass i thinking what the fuckkkkkkkkk. I fucking isolated myself for two years for the plan of suciide and i don't kill myself so now i have to live but what the fuck do i live for when it was all just a out HER. @ years of fucking isolation ruined me to the point i can't even make an attempt to make things better for me anymore i fuckingggggggggggggg want to do something about everything but i can't k i- her man.
( sorry for the vent being in this post too, can ignore that i suppose, just, i- made the wrong decisions over and over again really. fuck. Why do i even want to recover and can't just have the feeling of suicide back? )

 

[nobeertonight]

I am above 18 so making friends at this age? You all know it's just not possible in some ways, Everybody already has their pals and i can't go back to the same people after 2 years

It's really common to think that others are unreachable when you are isolated and alone. But I assure you even if it's harder it's very possible to make new friends. In regards to those you got away from 2 years ago keep in mind that people change and it isn't weird to hop out and back in a circle.

What kind of nightmares do you have? I'm not sure I can help but dreams and nightmares are really interesting to me, so please tell

 

[Buh-bye!]

Edit2: It isn't all on me though, i think i can cope with the fact that a massive deal of it was initiated by my parents, hell most of it was done by them. I can blame my current situation on them but, it's me who has to live so i don't see how blaming people instead of sheer acceptance will help me.

It's really common to think that others are unreachable when you are isolated and alone. But I assure you even if it's harder it's very possible to make new friends. In regards to those you got away from 2 years ago keep in mind that people change and it isn't weird to hop out and back in a circle.

What kind of nightmares do you have? I'm not sure I can help but dreams and nightmares are really interesting to me, so please tell

This feels so good that someone did reply. The first part of your comment does add some hope in me but i mean, i just can't have people back like the way they were with me before you know. That bond is just, so difficult to have back. It's ruined, everything really, but yeah, fuck.

Thanks for asking about them, they are usually about my past, as in, well most of it i can't type since it's sort of a traumatic thing, but i believe if you were to read about my vent above you could get a little bit of a glimpse into it? The nightmares are just those things coming back to me and a better present life for me.

It's really common to think that others are unreachable when you are isolated and alone. But I assure you even if it's harder it's very possible to make new friends. In regards to those you got away from 2 years ago keep in mind that people change and it isn't weird to hop out and back in a circle.

What kind of nightmares do you have? I'm not sure I can help but dreams and nightmares are really interesting to me, so please tell

Hey, just wanted to drop that, maybe, a very little chance i might be attempting to get back at things today, since you mentioned it's possible. I just might. wish me luck i guess, although i don't really think anything will go right with any of this at all. Everything sort of just feels very pessimistic and if i do talk to someone they'll know it's for my own benefit, selfishness and not to be-friends again sort of a thing, i mean i do want to but they'll then ask why'd i go away from everything in the first place i suppose. So it's really fucked up but i'll just try what i can. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. Very slight chance of that today.

 

[nobeertonight]

i just can't have people back like the way they were with me before you know

Do they really have to be? Even if it's different will it be a bad thing?

Hey, just wanted to drop that, maybe, a very little chance i might be attempting to get back at things today, since you mentioned it's possible. I just might. wish me luck i guess, although i don't really think anything will go right with any of this at all. Everything sort of just feels very pessimistic and if i do talk to someone they'll know it's for my own benefit, selfishness and not to be-friends again sort of a thing, i mean i do want to but they'll then ask why'd i go away from everything in the first place i suppose. So it's really fucked up but i'll just try what i can. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. Very slight chance of that today

I'm glad

 

[Buh-bye!]

Do they really have to be? Even if it's different will it be a bad thing?



I'm glad

I mean, social isolation is only making me worse mate. I am getting vile, insane and extreme thoughts in my mind. I am being someone i never thought i could be.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I mean, social isolation is only making me worse mate. I am getting vile, insane and extreme thoughts in my mind. I am being someone i never thought i could be.

To reduce those feelings, consider even chatting online, helps me feel less bored

 

[versuchskaninchen]

As far as the friends thing go it feels harder to make friends because you need to find a social activity to try. I know it's anxiety inducing to some, but see if your area has anything at all it hosts regularly. If there's nothing you truly want to do find them online at least so you're talking to someone in some fashion. We made friends easier,in theory, in school because we saw the same people regularly. So that's what you need to do. See the same people over and over. Or at least chat with them over and over online.

To give a little personal perspective on it, I had to do the same thing around age 23 when I had to cut off my last irl friend (abusive) (I am 25 now) and now I have a small group of friends who I stay in contact with online. It helps to have people I trust who I know trust me back. Even if it's just online just that little bit of socialising and being able to vent to others and ask for advice or opinions or even be silly with can help a lot. And I hope you're able to get the same soon, or even reach out to your other 2 friends (I've done the same after years of silence with my one irl friend last year and it's nice having someone in town after reconnecting)

 

[supremacyofdeath]

Yeah I feel that. I didn't go to college so I didn't have the whole "making friends in college" experience and all my high school buds just sort of forgot I existed. It's hard meeting new friends and it's something my girlfriend doesn't seem to understand. But she has her high school friends with her still and she's really good and making new friends. I on the other hand don't like people and don't really go to social places.
I suffer with constant nightmares and I don't know how to deal with them either. Sometimes I'll go the whole day wondering if I'm still dreaming and it'll really freak me out. You're not alone man, shit sucks. Hopefully the replies help you a bit though.

 

[INYGTRMTFMO]

For the nightmares, there are apparently specific types of therapy that are more helpful than others:

• Imagery rehearsal therapy (IRT).
• Exposure, relaxation and rescripting therapy (ERRT).

I feel you on the friend parts. Outside of my family and my coworkers, pretty much all of my socialization is online. I still Facebook some friends I made in school and in college, but we're not exactly close anymore (it doesn't help that I went to college on the opposite side of the state where I currently live lmao).

I've heard that having an irl hobby that regularly puts you around other people helps. My brother in law plays soccer, and a lot of his friends are fellow soccer players. My stepmom's friends are folks she plays Pokeno with. My husband and I had a few folk we interacted with often when we played Pokemon Go (been meaning to get back into it, but the kiddo keeps us busy).

I also feel you on the wrong decisions and the "why recover just to keep feeling like this?". The answer, at least my answer, is to hold on for the moments of beauty and joy in between all the shit. I hope you find many of those beautiful moments.

 

[Buh-bye!]

To reduce those feelings, consider even chatting online, helps me feel less bored

I do actually consider that, Solid advice. Venting here all the time.

As far as the friends thing go it feels harder to make friends because you need to find a social activity to try. I know it's anxiety inducing to some, but see if your area has anything at all it hosts regularly. If there's nothing you truly want to do find them online at least so you're talking to someone in some fashion. We made friends easier,in theory, in school because we saw the same people regularly. So that's what you need to do. See the same people over and over. Or at least chat with them over and over online.

To give a little personal perspective on it, I had to do the same thing around age 23 when I had to cut off my last irl friend (abusive) (I am 25 now) and now I have a small group of friends who I stay in contact with online. It helps to have people I trust who I know trust me back. Even if it's just online just that little bit of socialising and being able to vent to others and ask for advice or opinions or even be silly with can help a lot. And I hope you're able to get the same soon, or even reach out to your other 2 friends (I've done the same after years of silence with my one irl friend last year and it's nice having someone in town after reconnecting)

Appreciate the advice, really. I have thought of this before though, a lot of times. Just never had the courage to act upon these thoughts. I keep switching between the i want to get better phase and the i am sick and i should be isolated phase. I create my own problems definitely. I could have acted up on the socializing thing earlier and saved myself a lot of things.

For the nightmares, there are apparently specific types of therapy that are more helpful than others:

• Imagery rehearsal therapy (IRT).
• Exposure, relaxation and rescripting therapy (ERRT).

I feel you on the friend parts. Outside of my family and my coworkers, pretty much all of my socialization is online. I still Facebook some friends I made in school and in college, but we're not exactly close anymore (it doesn't help that I went to college on the opposite side of the state where I currently live lmao).

I've heard that having an irl hobby that regularly puts you around other people helps. My brother in law plays soccer, and a lot of his friends are fellow soccer players. My stepmom's friends are folks she plays Pokeno with. My husband and I had a few folk we interacted with often when we played Pokemon Go (been meaning to get back into it, but the kiddo keeps us busy).

I also feel you on the wrong decisions and the "why recover just to keep feeling like this?". The answer, at least my answer, is to hold on for the moments of beauty and joy in between all the shit. I hope you find many of those beautiful moments.

I feel real light reading all of this, i had to let you know that. Thank you. I have thought of having hobbies, going outside and forming a circle type of things but the way i am right now, i don't think I'd do very well in those spaces. Then there's my own mind that keeps shifting from one thing to another. Anyhow, i guess it was a vent and i don't want to fix my situation but rather just cry about it. Can't do this for too long though, it all ends.

Yeah I feel that. I didn't go to college so I didn't have the whole "making friends in college" experience and all my high school buds just sort of forgot I existed. It's hard meeting new friends and it's something my girlfriend doesn't seem to understand. But she has her high school friends with her still and she's really good and making new friends. I on the other hand don't like people and don't really go to social places.
I suffer with constant nightmares and I don't know how to deal with them either. Sometimes I'll go the whole day wondering if I'm still dreaming and it'll really freak me out. You're not alone man, shit sucks. Hopefully the replies help you a bit though.

Exactly how i feel, spot on. I believe my college experience isn't any different than yours as of now ( not in one ). The dreaming part too, it just messes with my head so bad, combined with all the other anxiousness bottled ( don't know if that's the right word here. Just googled so ' Bottled up ' would be the correct Idiom ) inside of me, It all makes me feeling like i just want to hide man. Just hide in a video game, in a conversation, Lust, Television shows or whatever i can hide in. I can't run for too long.