CaliguIa
pathetic jester :)
- Sep 1, 2024
- 33
I want to end it all today. Ive been 3 days straight in bed, no eating, I cant move, I feel so weak. Why cant I kill myself yet? Dont have SN. The past hurts a fucking lot, cant enjoy the present and I know there is no future for me. Idk why I still have hope. Hope for what? Everything is going to be even worse than now. I'd end it today but I have to write the notes. Also my house is a mess and I dont want to leave it like this to my mother. Id like to pass out in bed using night night method but i dont want them to see my corpse. Im going to my mothers in Christmas, I can find a nice spot to hang myself where I dont fck nobody. Im so paranoid about programing emails imagine they dont receive it? So i think about send it myself just before commiting, but imagine if I fail? that would be terrible. More reasons to be sure ill die. Idk i dont have the energy to plan anything rn or write the notes, so ill just keep rooting here, hope I die from hunger or boredom. I WISH I HAVE THE GUTS TO THROW MYSELF OUT THE WINDOW TODAY. I CANT WAIT TO BE DEAD.
