I’d like to stop using suicidal thoughts as a coping mechanism

[ljknljnlkjn]

When things get bad, I think to myself. Fuck it, I'm gonna kill myself. I spent hours scrolling this website. Looking at horrible news and self destructing in order to convince myself that my life is beyond saving anyway.

But the problem is that I'm too cowardly to actually act on my suicidal thoughts, and the "comfort" the thought of suicide gives me only makes my life get worse and more uncomfortable.

If I don't end up CTBing I'm so fucked.

 

[Enlighten]

When things get bad, I think to myself. Fuck it, I'm gonna kill myself. I spent hours scrolling this website. Looking at horrible news and self destructing in order to convince myself that my life is beyond saving anyway.

But the problem is that I'm too cowardly to actually act on my suicidal thoughts, and the "comfort" the thought of suicide gives me only makes my life get worse and more uncomfortable.

If I don't end up CTBing I'm so fucked.

It's never too late to turn your life around. It's true that this page is a bit of an echochamber that mostly encourages suicide, but don't let that be the deciding factor. There are many people who care for you. I'd love to talk with you if you are in need of a chat or some venting.

 

[snowcloud9]

I found that giving myself conditions to ctbing made my suicidal thoughts go away! My recovery buddy came up with this approach

"I'm allowed to die only if I've tried my hardest at getting better by [taking meds, doing better in college, etc] for [x time period]. Because it means I tried my best at life and didn't just give up prematurely."

I think that dying should only be the choice you make once you deem that recovery is impossible. Plus, recovery feels impossible at first but as you recover more your mood gets better, so it gets easier and easier to recover. Recovery is like a positive value of a second derivative f''(x).

And when I have a set of goals to complete with the requirement of trying to complete them no matter, I brush the thoughts of giving up away because they're distractions. And now I feel a lot better.