The impact of benzos on me can be wonderful. I have a lot of anxiety and I am overthinking things a lot. But when I am on lorazepam I feel like I would fly in the clouds. As if almost nothing could hurt me. It is really a mind-blowing experience when you are in an extreme mental health situation. I had psychosis and strong mania in the past and damn it is so alleviating to use them during an episode.
Of course I know these medication are extremely dangerous especially the benzos. I think if I become a lorazepam addict my suicide could accelerate a lot. I read from the experience Jordan Peterson had (he had withdrawal symptoms.) It sounded like my extreme psychosomatic pain/ unbelievable pain. I think a benzo withdrawal could trigger several psychosis in my case. If the worst case becomes real, I am taking a break from college. It is not worth becoming an addict for achieving some college goals.
Like it is really unlikely I will be able to get a job anyway. But I need to communicate that to my support team. I think they would recommend other priorities. But fuck them.
I don't really know a similar good substitute medication. I just increased the Seroquel A LOT. And it barely made any difference which is quite frightening.
I listen currently a lot to dead artists. Many are dead also because they abused drugs. They sing about their addiction and I can partly relate. Though I am not an addict for now. But I am scared this could change. Not sure where my red line is. I should think about that. I probably will talk with my professionals about all of this.
The best thing I can imagine is reducing college. I feel like a complete failure for not attending all the courses. But becoming an addict is no real option.
I just wished these medication would not create a tolerance. Bruh I am so fucked. But for now I try to relax.
Becoming an addict won't solve my problems. Maybe it was a shortterm alleviation but it would likely just fuck everything up. Why had the Seroquel barely an effect on me for fuck's sake? An addiction would cause so many problems and all my little successes were in vain. It is such a dilemma.
Of course I know these medication are extremely dangerous especially the benzos. I think if I become a lorazepam addict my suicide could accelerate a lot. I read from the experience Jordan Peterson had (he had withdrawal symptoms.) It sounded like my extreme psychosomatic pain/ unbelievable pain. I think a benzo withdrawal could trigger several psychosis in my case. If the worst case becomes real, I am taking a break from college. It is not worth becoming an addict for achieving some college goals.
Like it is really unlikely I will be able to get a job anyway. But I need to communicate that to my support team. I think they would recommend other priorities. But fuck them.
I don't really know a similar good substitute medication. I just increased the Seroquel A LOT. And it barely made any difference which is quite frightening.
I listen currently a lot to dead artists. Many are dead also because they abused drugs. They sing about their addiction and I can partly relate. Though I am not an addict for now. But I am scared this could change. Not sure where my red line is. I should think about that. I probably will talk with my professionals about all of this.
The best thing I can imagine is reducing college. I feel like a complete failure for not attending all the courses. But becoming an addict is no real option.
I just wished these medication would not create a tolerance. Bruh I am so fucked. But for now I try to relax.
Becoming an addict won't solve my problems. Maybe it was a shortterm alleviation but it would likely just fuck everything up. Why had the Seroquel barely an effect on me for fuck's sake? An addiction would cause so many problems and all my little successes were in vain. It is such a dilemma.
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