Venting I will never be enough

[in2thespiral]

I don't understand why people get into a relationship and not commit to their significant other. Why would u make someone feel so loved only to indulge in other people behind their back.

Were ur so desperate to have a woman that u just felt forced to be with me because ur were lonely for so long and now that ur with me it still isn't satisfying? I gave u every piece of me and u still wanted to see other girls. What about me isn't enough? Where am I lacking? It's obvious I don't look like them. How can u make a deep connection and bond to a woman who cares for u immensely and still feel the want to see others on a screen. I'm with u physically. I am urs. Not them. I don't want to be a shadow of all these other girls faces and bodies. Why am I a second thought? Why am I not desirable enough?

I feel so unbearably ugly to know that something about me isn't enough. Something about me doesn't meet ur needs or pleasure u. What is it that makes me so unwanted? Why did u do that to me? Why do I have to live with the knowledge of u feeding ur mind with other women. What about me? I'm right here. What is wrong with me? How can u say that "You're the only one I want," and "You're beautiful, stop getting so down on yourself," and "I love you." It's all a punch to the gut. It feels like ur ripping my insides out and trying to shove them back in to save a relationship you weren't even dedicated to.

I want to rip ur fucking eyes out. Why would u get into a relationship if u didn't find me attractive? Is one girl not enough? Where did I go wrong? I gave u everything. What is so hard about wanting only one person? You HAD ME right in front of you and still wanted to see other girls. All I wanted was u. Your time, energy, patience, and love. I loved the long conversations. I loved when you held me. I loved our little side quests. I loved waking up to ur face every morning but now just looking at u or talking to u makes my heart drop. I'm not them. I don't dress like them. I don't do my makeup like them. I don't have their hair. I don't have their faces. I don't have their bodies. They must be attractive in every way that I'm not. Why the fuck did I let myself trust again? Why did I let myself fall so deeply? All for a guy who couldn't respect me or have loyalty.

I'm just fucking nothing. I seriously feel I will never be loved. I will always be hurt in the end like the pathetic sob story that I am.

 

[Dejected 55]

So many people today are only interested in surface-level connections. Nothing deeper than that. They either don't want deeper meaningful connections or they are unable to have them for some reason... but so many just seem disinterested. As long as they can hop from one surface connection to the next, they keep doing it. There is always something else, someone else for them to get a quick hit from... this is why so many people like to say they have so many "friends." None of them are really friends in any meaningful way...

People talk about friends with benefits as a way to get sex without commitment... but I feel like today most "friends" are really acquaintances with benefits... people you technically know, but you pop in for a quick conversation and then pop out when you have what you wanted from the interaction.

Everything is just "me" and getting that fix... And, sadly, it is "working" for so many people because so many people are doing it... and when Person A wants a quick hit and Person B wants a quick hit, and they can get that from 5 minutes of interacting... then they don't try or have any interest in more... and if they know enough people to fill those brief moments over the days... they just do it.

Eventually, though, even those people realize in some moments that they are far more lonely than they realize... in the times when they need real deep connection and no one is there for them. Chickens coming home to roost and all that. For all but a few, there will come a day when they realize the surface-level stuff has led them astray and they need more but never cultivated more.

I don't know how people seem to be surviving on this lack of connection. It tears me apart. But, as they say, it takes two to tango... and when you are a person who craves real connection, meaningful connection... whether romantic or friendship... you can only get it from someone else who feels and thinks the same... and there seem to be so few of us that it becomes really unlikely and very frustrating to exist.

So, in a nutshell, I get you.

 

[violetforever]

now that you see how varied and uncontrolled mens attraction to women is, try to detach from the supposed importance of it. i'm guessing he was watching pornography or just looking at other women on social medias from the way you mentioned a screen. he was probably already doing that before you came along like most men so that behavior has nothing to do with you. please don't measure your worth based on the unacceptable habits of men.

 

[darkandtwisty]

I don't understand why people get into a relationship and not commit to their significant other. Why would u make someone feel so loved only to indulge in other people behind their back.

Were ur so desperate to have a woman that u just felt forced to be with me because ur were lonely for so long and now that ur with me it still isn't satisfying? I gave u every piece of me and u still wanted to see other girls. What about me isn't enough? Where am I lacking? It's obvious I don't look like them. How can u make a deep connection and bond to a woman who cares for u immensely and still feel the want to see others on a screen. I'm with u physically. I am urs. Not them. I don't want to be a shadow of all these other girls faces and bodies. Why am I a second thought? Why am I not desirable enough?

I feel so unbearably ugly to know that something about me isn't enough. Something about me doesn't meet ur needs or pleasure u. What is it that makes me so unwanted? Why did u do that to me? Why do I have to live with the knowledge of u feeding ur mind with other women. What about me? I'm right here. What is wrong with me? How can u say that "You're the only one I want," and "You're beautiful, stop getting so down on yourself," and "I love you." It's all a punch to the gut. It feels like ur ripping my insides out and trying to shove them back in to save a relationship you weren't even dedicated to.

I want to rip ur fucking eyes out. Why would u get into a relationship if u didn't find me attractive? Is one girl not enough? Where did I go wrong? I gave u everything. What is so hard about wanting only one person? You HAD ME right in front of you and still wanted to see other girls. All I wanted was u. Your time, energy, patience, and love. I loved the long conversations. I loved when you held me. I loved our little side quests. I loved waking up to ur face every morning but now just looking at u or talking to u makes my heart drop. I'm not them. I don't dress like them. I don't do my makeup like them. I don't have their hair. I don't have their faces. I don't have their bodies. They must be attractive in every way that I'm not. Why the fuck did I let myself trust again? Why did I let myself fall so deeply? All for a guy who couldn't respect me or have loyalty.

I'm just fucking nothing. I seriously feel I will never be loved. I will always be hurt in the end like the pathetic sob story that I am.

This is all too familiar. I am truly, painfully sorry that you are feeling this way. From what I have learned, most men, not all, are complete fucking garbage. We can do EVERYTHING right, be what they want and desire, but it will never be enough. That is their own short comings. Not us as failures. I also know how easy it is to blame yourself because I am in a situation of cheating myself.