I planned to heavily disassociate with drugs and ctb. I did the drugs, but I had eaten some food that just really sat wrong in my stomach and compounded with the slight nausea I normally get from them. I spent all night just shaking and dry heaving. Couldn't bring myself to ctb. I'm late on rent. My internet is going to get shut off soon I think. Power will go the 15th or so. Phone already shut off. I planned to be dead now. I'm not and now I'm even worse. Maybe this will give me the push I needed. The reason I did the things that put me here was because I figured it would motivate me to ctb. I either need to ctb or just brute force my way through life, I'm at that inflection point rn I guess...
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2messdup
Enlightened
- Feb 10, 2024
- 1,366
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with so much right now and that it's so difficult in every way. Whatever happens I'll be thinking of you
internet got cut off literally like 30 min ago but I had just enough to pay it. inert gas.I'm sorry you have to go through this.
May I ask what's your method?
