Venting I want to go to a hospital

[toxicjester]

I don't mean like for mental health help or anything like that. I feel like I'm on edge everyday of my fucking life and like I constantly have to be doing shit, if I feel safe and relaxed for even a moment everything goes to shit and because I'm too inept to fix my own situations everything feels like dog shit

Sometimes I wish I could have an accident where I'm hurt a good amount (if it's not gonna kill me) to the point that I'd have to be resting for a while, maybe even stay in the hospital for a while. That way I don't have to worry about anything and I get to feel like I'm cared for without the pity that being mentally unwell gets you. Going to the hospital for something out of your control is different than going to the hospital after an attempt I imagine.

I don't know if this is selfish, stupid, self harm, or all of the above. I just want a fucking break

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I understand what you mean. You just want to step out of life for a bit, take a break from all the pressure and your problems. I can relate to this, I feel like that a lot too. Even when I don't want to die, I just want a break, from everything. Just for a few days.

 

[Opera]

I relate so hard. I want a break too

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I don't mean like for mental health help or anything like that. I feel like I'm on edge everyday of my fucking life and like I constantly have to be doing shit, if I feel safe and relaxed for even a moment everything goes to shit and because I'm too inept to fix my own situations everything feels like dog shit

Sometimes I wish I could have an accident where I'm hurt a good amount (if it's not gonna kill me) to the point that I'd have to be resting for a while, maybe even stay in the hospital for a while. That way I don't have to worry about anything and I get to feel like I'm cared for without the pity that being mentally unwell gets you. Going to the hospital for something out of your control is different than going to the hospital after an attempt I imagine.

I don't know if this is selfish, stupid, self harm, or all of the above. I just want a fucking break

Every day of my life.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

don't know if this is selfish, stupid, self harm, or all of the above. I just want a fucking break

it's def none of these. I relate heavily. often have intrusive thoughts to land myself in the hospital etc. it falls with the SH thought sphere but is more abstract as you're not wanting to say, run your own car into shit, but if it was an accident it would be different. fully get it as someone who's been in n out for many reasons. there's something about not being ALLOWED to do anything.

 

[toxicjester]

it's def none of these. I relate heavily. often have intrusive thoughts to land myself in the hospital etc. it falls with the SH thought sphere but is more abstract as you're not wanting to say, run your own car into shit, but if it was an accident it would be different. fully get it as someone who's been in n out for many reasons. there's something about not being ALLOWED to do anything.

I guess I'm glad it's not weird that this is a thought process, but also sad that it's been so relatable :(
And yea while I've done self harmy behavior in the past I end up not doing much and feel like stupid for being too much of a wimp to do anything extreme.
I just feel like when you're physically injured to the point of having to have medical care and attention even if you're all isn't that great in the moment everyone still applauds you n shit (of course there's always exceptions n shit because the healthcare system as a whole is shit and I'm sure many doctors will be rude or biased or any combination of shitty depending on who you are n shit)

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I used to get blasted on Geodon when I wanted to escape but the last time I did that, I woke up in status migrainosus and I refuse to drink or do illegal drugs. Ruined it for me. I guess I have no choice but to actually feel shit. Fuck that.

 

[toxicjester]

I used to get blasted on Geodon when I wanted to escape but the last time I did that, I woke up in status migrainosus and I refuse to drink or do illegal drugs. Ruined it for me. I guess I have no choice but to actually feel shit. Fuck that.

I didn't realize people used ziprasidone recreationally, I'm sorry about that experience :(
I mostly cycle between alcohol or weed but I'm poor so sometimes that's not an option, having to actually feel shit with no buffer essentially sucks and I'm sorry it's something you have to do on the daily

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I didn't realize people used ziprasidone recreationally, I'm sorry about that experience :(
I mostly cycle between alcohol or weed but I'm poor so sometimes that's not an option, having to actually feel shit with no buffer essentially sucks and I'm sorry it's something you have to do on the daily

I'm actually prescribed Geodon twice a day, but sometimes, at bedtime, I would take an extra dose because I swear, it's the best sleep and chill you will ever get. But take too much and I feel hungover.

It doesn't help that I'm a super sensitive introvert.

 

[bugfart]

I love going to the hospital and feeling cared for. Feeling like someone cares about my wellbeing and is trained to see me in positive or empathetic or at the very least sympathetic regard. Sure there are some bad nurses out there, or bad doctors, but in general my experience has been good. And mental hospitals have been positive for me mostly. It depends on the other patients you're in with, private vs public funding, quality of food, security level, and privelages afforded to you. Only publicly funded place I've ever been I was freshly 18 and a 30 year old man kept sexually harrassing me/ trying to get me alone to molest me. The food was terrible. I slept on a recliner the whole time instead of a bed and was lied to about the purpose of these recliners. They were touted as places to sit and relax. Not my bed accommodation. It opened me up to being further victimized but thankfully he did not get to touch me beyond creepily grabbing my ankle/ feet once as I slept. Wasn't able to go outside. Private funded hospitals have been a much better experience, better staff, better food, court yards and gyms (not weight lifting, but basketball/volleyball and pullupbar and walking/running), structured activities that were fun, good quality of individual and group therapy, etc. the staff were caring in both the public and private hospitals.

 

[toxicjester]

I'm actually prescribed Geodon twice a day, but sometimes, at bedtime, I would take an extra dose because I swear, it's the best sleep and chill you will ever get. But take too much and I feel hungover.

It doesn't help that I'm a super sensitive introvert.

I never saw this before I'm sorry :(

And man I wish I had something to help wi the sleep, I think I have sleep apnea or soemthing I'm also a super light sleeper so that doesn't help at all

I get being sensitive, it's a whole thing for me, I hope things are okay for you

I love going to the hospital and feeling cared for. Feeling like someone cares about my wellbeing and is trained to see me in positive or empathetic or at the very least sympathetic regard. Sure there are some bad nurses out there, or bad doctors, but in general my experience has been good. And mental hospitals have been positive for me mostly. It depends on the other patients you're in with, private vs public funding, quality of food, security level, and privelages afforded to you. Only publicly funded place I've ever been I was freshly 18 and a 30 year old man kept sexually harrassing me/ trying to get me alone to molest me. The food was terrible. I slept on a recliner the whole time instead of a bed and was lied to about the purpose of these recliners. They were touted as places to sit and relax. Not my bed accommodation. It opened me up to being further victimized but thankfully he did not get to touch me beyond creepily grabbing my ankle/ feet once as I slept. Wasn't able to go outside. Private funded hospitals have been a much better experience, better staff, better food, court yards and gyms (not weight lifting, but basketball/volleyball and pullupbar and walking/running), structured activities that were fun, good quality of individual and group therapy, etc. the staff were caring in both the public and private hospitals.

I've thought about commiting myself to one sometimes when things get really bad but I'm afraid I'd end up in a shitty one like the one you were first in :,(

I'm sorry you had those shitty experiences at all, I'm glad it didn't go extreme though and that you had better ones afterwards

Is there a way you found ones that were nicer in your area? Are they covered my insurance or does it depend?