Venting i wanna kill myself again because im so burned out by everything

[jenny6391bubbles]

i just want to be cared for when i'm very stressed, but of course, i should've known that no one but me can do that. except i cant do that right now. i only have 2 hours to myself every day because this semester is so heavy. i want to get run over by a car or something. i'm so tired, i think i'm gonna start crying every day again.

i don't have energy to care for myself mentally and emotionally. i hate feeling emotions so much, i wish i were never born. i wish my future partner would understand i don't want a child because that would mean birthing another person who has my temperament and i don't think i can handle another me. most people can't handle me when i'm an emotional mess and even i, myself, can't handle it either. meds did not help at all. besides, they just upped my appetite and i'm still trying to go back to normal asian bmi. im still overweight for asian bmi standards.

i'm so tired. i wonder if there's any instant cure for being a highly sensitive person (because my family hates how sensitive i am) and also my ex left me because of how i always seem to be in emotional rollercoasters. he told me i'm too much for the average person. do i always have to go through these rollercoasters alone? am i only allowed to tell a therapist my problems because the average person will be traumatized hearing about my problems? am i doomed by fate to just go through everything alone? if so, then why hasn't God killed me yet? why did God give my mom cancer and not me instead? it should've been me!! my happiness is almost always temporary so just give me all the pain.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

i only have 2 hours to myself every day because this semester is so heavy.

Y r u doing this to yourself? Not everyone is made for college/uni studies. What's it worth if you're a mental wreck after graduation?

i wonder if there's any instant cure for being a highly sensitive person

Probably not, just avoid to be "triggered". Ik this isn't possible. I'm sorry u have to go through this.

i wish my future partner would understand i don't want a child because that would mean birthing another person who has my temperament and i don't think i can handle another me.

You may eventually find a partner who thinks the same ans isn't "sex- and reproduction driven".

meds did not help at all.

If it's a "genetic issue" meds can never fix this.

am i only allowed to tell a therapist my problems because the average person will be traumatized hearing about my problems? am i doomed by fate to just go through everything alone? if so, then why hasn't God killed me yet? why did God give my mom cancer and not me instead? it should've been me!! my happiness is almost always temporary so just give me all the pain.

That's bc there is no god as "religions" try to tell everyone. If there is one he gives a fuck about "his creation" best argument why there is no no god.

I'm sorry you have to go through all this. Life is so unfair.

 

[jenny6391bubbles]

Y r u doing this to yourself? Not everyone is made for college/uni studies. What's it worth if you're a mental wreck after graduation?


Probably not, just avoid to be "triggered". Ik this isn't possible. I'm sorry u have to go through this.


You may eventually find a partner who thinks the same ans isn't "sex- and reproduction driven".


If it's a "genetic issue" meds can never fix this.


That's bc there is no god as "religions" try to tell everyone. If there is one he gives a fuck about "his creation" best argument why there is no no god.

I'm sorry you have to go through all this. Life is so unfair.

maybe if im still suicidal after the semestral break, i'll take a leave of absence again

my parents and my brother are just as sensitive as me but it manifests differently, so everyone ends up inadvertently offending each other. it's so hard when your family is one of your biggest triggers and they won't understand it's also safer and saner for them if i were away permanently.

 

[daleke]

hey, just wanted to say that you're not alone in feeling this way. i'm also in university right now and with all the work and stress piling on it's just been a cesspool of misery and being hypersensitive to every little setback. my friends are kind people but they definitely could not handle the absolute mess i'd be if i wasn't bottling things up to some extent. have had too many people (including mental health professionals) be very confused and annoyed as to why i'm being so dramatic over what is clearly nothing.

earlier this year i took to just constantly repeating to myself that i was solely responsible for myself and coping with overwhelming emotions, which is true, but also so so hard, especially without access to therapy or a good support system (which it seems like your family isn't able to be). i get it. i hope the break is restful.

 

[amerie]

Y r u doing this to yourself? Not everyone is made for college/uni studies. What's it worth if you're a mental wreck after graduation?


Probably not, just avoid to be "triggered". Ik this isn't possible. I'm sorry u have to go through this.


You may eventually find a partner who thinks the same ans isn't "sex- and reproduction driven".


If it's a "genetic issue" meds can never fix this.


That's bc there is no god as "religions" try to tell everyone. If there is one he gives a fuck about "his creation" best argument why there is no no god.

I'm sorry you have to go through all this. Life is so unfair.

To answer the first question, a bachelors degree is literally the gateway to having a stable income, I get that academia isn't for everyone but for most people it's not that simple and life is going to be hard for you. OP should prioritize their health but unfortunately it's not as simple as "drop out".

 

[jenny6391bubbles]

To answer the first question, a bachelors degree is literally the gateway to having a stable income, I get that academia isn't for everyone but for most people it's not that simple and life is going to be hard for you. OP should prioritize their health but unfortunately it's not as simple as "drop out".

yes, most jobs here, even minimum wage jobs, require a degree. it's dumb but it is what it is. at the very least, i can probably take a leave from college for 6-12 months

hey, just wanted to say that you're not alone in feeling this way. i'm also in university right now and with all the work and stress piling on it's just been a cesspool of misery and being hypersensitive to every little setback. my friends are kind people but they definitely could not handle the absolute mess i'd be if i wasn't bottling things up to some extent. have had too many people (including mental health professionals) be very confused and annoyed as to why i'm being so dramatic over what is clearly nothing.

earlier this year i took to just constantly repeating to myself that i was solely responsible for myself and coping with overwhelming emotions, which is true, but also so so hard, especially without access to therapy or a good support system (which it seems like your family isn't able to be). i get it. i hope the break is restful.

I relate to having bottling things up. i will admit i'm pretty inexperienced in dealing with others and also knowing how to be professional in organizational settings and i just keep getting told off mistake after mistake. I'm glad I'm able to mask? or at least hide my mood swings whenever I get told off (it reminds me of several traumatic incidents in the past), but I'm just so scared of the moment when I won't be able to hide my feelings anymore...

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Thank you for being wise about the choice to have children. Too many people think it's no different than going to the store to buy some milk.