Venting i think i might break up with my girlfriend

[waistcoat]

i'm high.

okay, so, some context, me and my girlfriend are in a poly relationship with one other person

she claims to see us both as equals,
but, well,
the other person moved in to hers at the start of the year,
they are buying a house together,
she refuses to open up to me about things she opens up to the other person about,
she doesn't invite me to group chats for meetups at her place with our mutual friends, but does invite the other person,

a while ago i spoke to her about how i feel second place, she promised it wasn't intentional and she'll do better, but well, it didn't get better, we had this conversation again last week, and the group chat thing happened earlier today.

every time, she says she is sorry, and i fully believe her, i do not believe anything she has done is mallicious, as she clearly does love me from everything else in our relationship (please note, i have only listed the pain points, this is not our entire relationship).

but it's too much for me at the moment.
i know she doesn't mean it and she is genuinely trying her hardest to fix those issues (re: i brought up how them moving in and, well, i'm not, was hurting me, and she mentioned maybe 'trial moving in' (i.e. i stay with them both for a few weeks to see how it goes))

i'm not thinking of breaking up with her because she's mean or anything, i'm kinda doing it because i love her too much and need to distance myself for my own sake. because this just keeps hurting, and it's not good for me.

sorry i don't know if any of this is legible. i am too high for this.

 

[R. A.]

that sucks. it sucks more she says she'll act different then doesn't...
what about moving in too?

 

[waistcoat]

that sucks. it sucks more she says she'll act different then doesn't...
what about moving in too?

i feel like if i were able to move in as well, things would be better.
but given the nature of how our discussion went last time, i fear it will always feel 'temporary' as if i can be replaced.

i think i am just too unstable to be loved right now.
at least, not in the way i need to be loved.

 

[TBONTB]

It sounds like the conditions of your relationship aren't working for you. You keep asking her to change them, but she really isn't willing too. I'm sure she loves you, but it seems like the way in which she's willing to love you isn't good for you. It sounds like a breakup would be very painful, but perhaps it's the right way.

 

[ElTopo]

i'm high.

okay, so, some context, me and my girlfriend are in a poly relationship with one other person

she claims to see us both as equals,
but, well,
the other person moved in to hers at the start of the year,
they are buying a house together,
she refuses to open up to me about things she opens up to the other person about,
she doesn't invite me to group chats for meetups at her place with our mutual friends, but does invite the other person,

a while ago i spoke to her about how i feel second place, she promised it wasn't intentional and she'll do better, but well, it didn't get better, we had this conversation again last week, and the group chat thing happened earlier today.

every time, she says she is sorry, and i fully believe her, i do not believe anything she has done is mallicious, as she clearly does love me from everything else in our relationship (please note, i have only listed the pain points, this is not our entire relationship).

but it's too much for me at the moment.
i know she doesn't mean it and she is genuinely trying her hardest to fix those issues (re: i brought up how them moving in and, well, i'm not, was hurting me, and she mentioned maybe 'trial moving in' (i.e. i stay with them both for a few weeks to see how it goes))

i'm not thinking of breaking up with her because she's mean or anything, i'm kinda doing it because i love her too much and need to distance myself for my own sake. because this just keeps hurting, and it's not good for me.

sorry i don't know if any of this is legible. i am too high for this.

I think you're clearly not okay with not being her priority, which is valid in my opinion. I think poly relationships don't work well most of the time and one always gets the short end of the cloth.

i feel like if i were able to move in as well, things would be better.
but given the nature of how our discussion went last time, i fear it will always feel 'temporary' as if i can be replaced.

i think i am just too unstable to be loved right now.
at least, not in the way i need to be loved.

I don't think loved is earned, or that we need to be in a certain state to be loved.
Do you think if things were different in your relationship you'd feel less unstable?