I tend to have more energy at night

[BitterlyAlive]

It could be good, like tonight. I feel more like talking and interacting with people. But it can also turn out really bad, like when my anxiety goes haywire and I just go all loony, like when I posted because I was scaring myself so bad because of my imagination.

Of course once I wake up in the morning I'm back to normal. :/

 

[Xocoyotziin]

I feel this

Right now I feel kind of strange, disconnected from everything but not really dissociated. More like my current neurochemical cocktail is giving me impaired emotions, but I'm trying to connect so I can get drunk and RAGE in the good kind of way on my own as usual.

But normally this is either -my time- or peak existential dread that keeps me up until dawn with no in between. Right now I'm between the two and also pointing somewhere off the grid and I need to cure it because that feels especially bad.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I feel this

Right now I feel kind of strange, disconnected from everything but not really dissociated. More like my current neurochemical cocktail is giving me impaired emotions, but I'm trying to connect so I can get drunk and RAGE in the good kind of way on my own as usual.

But normally this is either -my time- or peak existential dread that keeps me up until dawn with no in between. Right now I'm between the two and also pointing somewhere off the grid and I need to cure it because that feels especially bad.

I think I know what you mean. Tbh I think my anxiety just heightens at night because I can relate to a lot of that. But even when I'm talking more and interacting more it's not because I feel good. It's hard to explain.

It sounds like you're in a rough place right now...is there anything you can to that would help ground you, integrate the feelings a bit?

 

[Xocoyotziin]

I'm trying. Familiar music and stuff. It isn't really working and I'm not sure what's going on. I think it must be physiological. Its not as bad as it sounds because I know it will end soon and I think I can overcome it.

Sorry that something like this hits you enough to give you anxiety, that sounds terrifying. My anxiety usually comes from an overwhelming influx of emotion, not a lack of it. If that modality ever abandoned me I'm not sure what I'd do.

But even when I'm talking more and interacting more it's not because I feel good. It's hard to explain.

Crazy you say this because this is how I feel during the day. Everything is either the result of or generates some kind of nervous impulse. Night is the only time I get away from it.

I just have to cling to the belief that it will be okay for all of us.

Thanks a lot for your concern btw. I'm not used to it or good at reciprocating so I apologize for that.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I'm trying. Familiar music and stuff. It isn't really working and I'm not sure what's going on. I think it must be physiological. Its not as bad as it sounds because I know it will end soon and I think I can overcome it.

Sorry that something like this hits you enough to give you anxiety, that sounds terrifying. My anxiety usually comes from an overwhelming influx of emotion, not a lack of it. If that modality ever abandoned me I'm not sure what I'd do.


Crazy you say this because this is how I feel during the day. Everything is either the result of or generates some kind of nervous impulse. Night is the only time I get away from it.

I just have to cling to the belief that it will be okay for all of us.

Thanks a lot for your concern btw. I'm not used to it or good at reciprocating so I apologize for that.

Mmm... It could be physiological. Have you ever gotten any testing done, whether it's physical or neurological?

What causes these issues for me is generalized anxiety. It causes a constant feeling of dread anyway, but I also tend to just worry uncontrollably about so many things. I guess it gets worse at night idk. I think I also dissociate because of the anxiety so that's fun....

It's good that you know the feeling will eventually end. I'm sorry things like music aren't helping though. Sometimes mindfulness can help, as well. Even basic things like paying attention to the texture of a blanket.

Funny how different people experience things in the opposite way. Like how some people always feel more depressed in the morning, while others always feel more depressed at night. It could be a social issue, it could be biological, maybe both.

 

[Xocoyotziin]

Nahh, what I meant by that was that I think it's some kind of fluke because I've experienced this before but it's very rare, has no known psychological correlate, and tends to fix itself within a day or so. I don't think it points to any neurological pathology that needs to be fixed because it happens so infrequently.

Also unpopular opinion but dissociating is always fun even when you feel like an alien when it happens. Fuck the world, it's not worth interacting with.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Nahh, what I meant by that was that I think it's some kind of fluke because I've experienced this before but it's very rare, has no known psychological correlate, and tends to fix itself within a day or so. I don't think it points to any neurological pathology that needs to be fixed because it happens so infrequently.

Also unpopular opinion but dissociating is always fun even when you feel like an alien when it happens. Fuck the world, it's not worth interacting with.
Nahh, what I meant by that was that I think it's some kind of fluke because I've experienced this before but it's very rare, has no known psychological correlate, and tends to fix itself within a day or so. I don't think it points to any neurological pathology that needs to be fixed because it happens so infrequently.

Also unpopular opinion but dissociating is always fun even when you feel like an alien when it happens. Fuck the world, it's not worth interacting with.

I see, makes sense. And dissociation usually isn't bad for me either. It's kinda like "well things don't feel real, I don't feel like a person, people seem like fake caricatures, things are just kinda weird...ah well, it's better this way." It's when I focus too much on the off feeling that it sucks because I get myself more worked up.

Even the full dissociation freeze response ain't too bad. I can't move or talk, or really think, but I'm really numb and it's kinda comfortable tbh. It's a nice break. Leading up to it sucks but the actual shutdown is a relief. Is that fucked up? Lmao

 

[Wayfaerer]

Me too. I like the calm and stillness of night and I also hate the sun which where I'm from there is too damn much of it.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Me too. I like the calm and stillness of night and I also hate the sun which where I'm from there is too damn much of it.

I'm always on edge so the quiet and calm freaks me out tbh. But I hate the sun too. The sun and daytime in general can be overstimulating. Cloudy weather and rain is where it's at for me

 

[Xocoyotziin]

Anyway god damn it if you're feeling good tonight I highly recommend listening to some uppity trance music, losing yourself, and just forgetting this shit for a few hours.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Anyway god damn it if you're feeling good tonight I highly recommend listening to some uppity trance music, losing yourself, and just forgetting this shit for a few hours.

I don't know how I feel, just weird. But yeah, that sounds like a great idea tbh. Maybe drink a bit to help with that.

 

[Xocoyotziin]

Nooo I don't want to be a bad influence. But I also don't want to be hypocrite because its what I'm about to do. Ahh I'm so sorry. I'm 1.5 bottles in you can't trust me.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Nooo I don't want to be a bad influence. But I also don't want to be hypocrite because its what I'm about to do. Ahh I'm so sorry. I'm 1.5 bottles in you can't trust me.

Nah, you're fine. If I do something dumb that's 100% on me. I make my own mistakes

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I've always been a night owl, but it doesn't mesh well with my new job. I end up not getting a lot of sleep. Instead, I'm up all night thinking about the tragic state of my life.

 

[Xocoyotziin]

This is getting way too complicated for me so I'm abdicating this site. Again I'm sorry. Please be okay whatever you do

 

[BitterlyAlive]

This is getting way too complicated for me so I'm abdicating this site. Again I'm sorry. Please be okay whatever you do

I'll be okay. I hope you have a good and safe night, my friend.

I've always been a night owl, but it doesn't mesh well with my new job. I end up not getting a lot of sleep. Instead, I'm up all night thinking about the tragic state of my life.

Those are the worst. I'm sorry you've been going through that :(

 

[Xocoyotziin]

Ahh! Someone casually called me a friend! That's awesome!
I lied anyway and am probably going to spam the music thread with bad pop music
And regret all of it in the morning. But it's worth it now.

Thank you, and you too, really. I don't quite grasp the depth of what you're going through but I wish you the best nonetheless.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Ahh! Someone casually called me a friend! That's awesome!
I lied anyway and am probably going to spam the music thread with bad pop music
And regret all of it in the morning. But it's worth it now.

:) Aww that legit just made me smile. Pop music is fun, go for it!

If things get crazy on my end, I think I'll just post a status. No need to make another thread