I survived

[Rye]

It's been 10 months or so since i last logged in. The last time i was on here was just to say goodbye, it was the day of my last suicide attempt. I don't know why it's taken me so long to come back. I'm not sure if i wanted to. A lot has happened since then, I honestly feel like a different person.
I don't know if it's gotten better. I don't know if i'm better. I have new scars since then, new problems. Maybe it'll never get better, i don't know. I'm not even sure if i'm happy that i survived.

 

[lilah]

glad that you survived without any damage! what was your method?

 

[cali22♡]

Hello,

Welcome back

Perhaps fate wanted to protect you from this decision...
If you didn't make it try to change something now, it can be difficult but you have the chance...
The suffering will unfortunately continue but you have a chance to reduce it

Take care of yourself

<3

 

[Rye]

glad that you survived without any damage! what was your method?

I had attempted to overdose on an assortment of pills

 

[maniac116]

Wow, glad you're ok!! ODs don't work. You're lucky you are ok & not physically or mentally disabled.
Whatever you are choosing for your future, I hope all works out in your favor

 

[2messdup]

It's been 10 months or so since i last logged in. The last time i was on here was just to say goodbye, it was the day of my last suicide attempt. I don't know why it's taken me so long to come back. I'm not sure if i wanted to. A lot has happened since then, I honestly feel like a different person.
I don't know if it's gotten better. I don't know if i'm better. I have new scars since then, new problems. Maybe it'll never get better, i don't know. I'm not even sure if i'm happy that i survived.

Thank you for being so brave and open about what happened and how you are now. It must be so confusing and difficult to not know if you are glad you are still alive. Have the circumstances that led to your attempt changed now? Do you see things in a different way since the o/d? I wish you much love and hope you can find clarity and hope for the future, even if it's in a small way xxx

 

[Scorpio moon gal]

Wow, glad you're ok!! ODs don't work. You're lucky you are ok & not physically or mentally disabled.
Whatever you are choosing for your future, I hope all works out in your favor

really I just don't know why od's don't work...I see no other way that I'm okay with in ending my life
the only thing I can hope for is get drunk as a pig and throw myself off a building but....what if I don't land on my head....what if I don't die. and what of getting drunk doesn't mean I'll not be able to feel the panic of falling at such a height

 

[2messdup]

really I just don't know why od's don't work...I see no other way that I'm okay with in ending my life

I believe they can work but not very often and when you survive there's a high risk of permanent damage making your life worse.

 

[Scorpio moon gal]

the only thing I can hope for is get drunk as a pig and throw myself off a building but....what if I don't land on my head....what if I don't die. and what of getting drunk doesn't mean I'll not be able to feel the panic of falling at such a height

I believe they can work but not very often and when you survive there's a high risk of permanent damage making your life worse.

I wish I had nembutal

 

[2messdup]

the only thing I can hope for is get drunk as a pig and throw myself off a building but....what if I don't land on my head....what if I don't die. and what of getting drunk doesn't mean I'll not be able to feel the panic of falling at such a height

I wish I had nembutal

That would be such a calm peaceful way to go if you could get it in the vein. Not sure it'd be as peaceful taken orally. I'd worry about that.

 

[Scorpio moon gal]

That would be such a calm peaceful way to go if you could get it in the vein. Not sure it'd be as peaceful taken orally. I'd worry about that.

what is peaceful these days even every way to go sounds like it might be a nightmare

That would be such a calm peaceful way to go if you could get it in the vein. Not sure it'd be as peaceful taken orally. I'd worry about that.

what is peaceful these days even every way to go sounds like it might be a nightmare

 

[CaliguIa]

my method of preference is partial hanging. Its easy, classy, fast and painless if done well. No big preparation. Without the sensation of heat and blood in the head, the feeling of the rope around your neck is wholesome, maybe i have a kink with that. Also i find it very aesthetic, your head facing down, held by a rope to your neck and straight to the cealing, on your knees and with a nice outfit, maybe with something covering your face, looking good even dead

 

[Rye]

my method of preference is partial hanging. Its easy, classy, fast and painless if done well. No big preparation. Without the sensation of heat and blood in the head, the feeling of the rope around your neck is wholesome, maybe i have a kink with that. Also i find it very aesthetic, your head facing down, held by a rope to your neck and straight to the cealing, on your knees and with a nice outfit, maybe with something covering your face, looking good even dead

What is the difference between partial hanging and full suspension pain wise?

Wow, glad you're ok!! ODs don't work. You're lucky you are ok & not physically or mentally disabled.
Whatever you are choosing for your future, I hope all works out in your favor

Yes, I realize now my method was most likely not effective. I'm also glad that I did not suffer any long term affects :)

Thank you for being so brave and open about what happened and how you are now. It must be so confusing and difficult to not know if you are glad you are still alive. Have the circumstances that led to your attempt changed now? Do you see things in a different way since the o/d? I wish you much love and hope you can find clarity and hope for the future, even if it's in a small way xxx

When I try to think about the real reason for my sudden decision to take my life, I honestly don't have an answer. like, of course this is something I've been struggling with for a while..But there really wasn't a reason it had to be that day. it's not like anything really happened to put me in the mood to do it.
idk it's been almost a year now, I feel as though I've changed; maybe that's just because I've grown older.