Venting I need to be away for a while

[Irisse]

Hi everyone!
I really love and appreciate this community. I loved chatting with some of you and responding to your threads.

But I did something stupid and possibly illegal. I shared a SN source with someone and now, even for a tiny bit, I feel like an accomplice in their suicide.

I thank everyone who comforted me in the thread I made about it. The replies said that it isn't my fault if that user ctbs. I also thank the wonderful mod Dante for doing the best they could in order to help me.

But my paranoia won't let go. I am afraid of being found out by the close family and friends of said user. I am afraid of people who want this forum gone doxxing me, even though I have nothing to be ashamed of outside of this situation.

So I just... need to be away and alone for a while. Maybe until things calm down. It may take a month or a year.

And I am chronically online here anyways, I mean how the fuck did I get to yellow letters and 500+ posts in a month and a half. At this rate, I'll have more posts than Funeral Cry!

So I want to say goodbye. I hope I was able to help at least a little as much as this forum helped me.

But before I go, I have a warning for both new and old users. For new ones: please don't ask for sources and methods. It puts great pressure on the receiver, and no one wants to be complicit in someone's murder. It is also not right to ask members to suggest a method.

For older users: please don't repeat my mistake and give the whole description of the source. A few hints are fine but if you show the whole thing it might leave you with paranoia and guilt, like I'm experiencing now. It's not worth it.

Sorry if all of this sounds extremely dramatic, but this is how I feel rn.

Love to all of you,
Irisse

 

[monetpompo]

So I want to say goodbye. I hope I was able to help at least a little as much as this forum helped me.

thank you for the short time you spent on this forum, bud. it really does feel like you've been here longer than you have. i didn't know that you came here during september since i've seen you write messages in so many threads that you looked like a veteran. it's easy to get swept up in this site. i hope you find a way to cope with your guilt and something to fill up the time you used here on sasu.

But I did something stupid and possibly illegal. I shared a SN source with someone and now, even for a tiny bit, I feel like an accomplice in their suicide.

i read your previous thread talking about this but i don't think that you should feel so guilty. i do understand the paranoia and fear that can come from sharing a source, though. i think one thing you should keep note of is that you have no control over whether they buy it or not, and whether they take it or not as well. because people back down from taking SN all of the time. but i know that hearing this still isn't that comforting because of how complicit you feel.

i hope you find a way to clear your mind. less time on sasu means less rumination overall.

 

[itsgone2]

So I want to say goodbye. I hope I was able to help at least a little as much as this forum helped me.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I enjoy your posts and am sorry to see you go.
I'm not sure you did a bad thing. This site provides so much information and resources. But I understand your feelings. I hope you come to peace with this.

 

[darksouls]

you are a good soul, I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad, I will miss your posts,
however you decide, I wish you the best, I hope you find your peace

 

[LostZombie]

I shared a SN source with someone and now, even for a tiny bit, I feel like an accomplice in their suicide.

But my paranoia won't let go. I am afraid of being found out by the close family and friends of said user. I am afraid of people who want this forum gone doxxing me, even though I have nothing to be ashamed of outside of this situation.

So I just... need to be away and alone for a while. Maybe until things calm down. It may take a month or a year.

So I want to say goodbye. I hope I was able to help at least a little as much as this forum helped me.

Sorry if all of this sounds extremely dramatic, but this is how I feel rn.

Love to all of you,
Irisse

Hey it's okay you did not kill them, they killed themself.

You are not a killer, you are not a bad person, you just care about others. That is okay, it's okay to feel those emotions, you feel like you should have not given a source. They would have found one at another point, and still done it. It's just feeling of survivors guilt in a way, you think you could have done something differently to save somebody. You are not a killer, you are a human who loves everyone, and I'm glad to see that you care.

I'm sad to see you go, but I hope that you can heal since this is some very heavy stuff for you to handle.

Just know you are not being dramatic, in any way, you can feel however feel for as long as you need to.

Much love honey, I wish you the best

 

[gottacheckout]

Irisse, I made a similar mistake when I was a newbie here. The guilt and paranoia were overwhelming. It took a while to process everything. I did find a couple of people, one from sasu, that I was able to talk to. The other was my therapist who knows everything about me. With their assistance I eventually processed it. I have learned my lesson to be more careful and thoughtful when helping somebody.

Just remember that you did not kill anyone and they would have found a way without your assistance. You are not a bad person either, if you were you wouldn't feel as bad as you do.

I'll miss you in the game threads and if I can help you out just reach out. If not me then there are a number of people here you can reach out to