bugs_for_brains
We can always regroup on the moon <3
- Mar 4, 2024
- 93
I blocked my (online) best friend 25 days ago and I miss him a lot. We only knew each other for 8 months but we were pretty close and even our friends always forgot we hadn't known each other for years.
It's hard bc I'm the one who blocked him and ultimately I'm not sure if that was the right choice but idk I feel like long term it's gotta be the best thing for him.
He's had problems with alcoholism and recently had been trying to quit after a trip he had where a lot of impactful events happened (not gonna go into specifics the only detail that matters is I'm pretty sure this trip kinda triggered all of this including the wanting to quit alc) and when he came back he quickly became religious again and seemed a lot more positive but simultaneously unstable like he started focusing entirely on other ppl and God and I get that helps some people but it seemed to be a very extreme change especially since it was so sudden. He also started having episodes where he basically seems to be super delusional and it always goes back to religion.
Anyway with this most recent episode he started ranting in a gc because he somehow was convinced that all of our mutual friends are actually just me on alt accounts (although we've been in vc several times, he wasn't really able to think logically at this point from what I could tell) so he mentioned some really personal stuff about me which kinda upset me given it was a groupchat. He also kept telling me he loved me and was like typing whole paragraphs about how I don't need to keep lying and how he's scared I'm gonna go to hell and he seemed to believe that he had more insight than us into what's 'true' in terms of religion and started describing hallucinations as signs of god communicating with him but also as reminders of me (e.g. bc I like bugs if he sees or feels them he thinks of me). During this i tried to dm him and even ended up removing him from the group but he didn't respond.
So yeah I decided to block him after getting no reply (i did wait beforehand) bc he was talking about me a lot in ways I felt uncomfortable with and i don't really wanna encourage that by continuing to interact with him everyday especially given that he thought basically everyone we speak to online is me. I know he doesn't think that genuinely but I figured blocking is best to prevent it coming up and freaking him out again since it's impossible to disprove when he's in that state especially bc we only know each other online.
Now it's been 25 days and idk I just miss him and part of me regrets blocking him but also surely that's the best thing for him right? I don't know anybody who knows him irl or anything so removing myself was kinda the only helpful thing I could do that i can think of. But then again idk because he's pretty isolated irl from what he's told me so I'm not sure if he'll just keep talking to ppl online and getting worse. Which makes me think maybe I should not have blocked him bc now I can't even make sure he's okay. But also idk because I can't really help him either bc situations like this are gonna come up all the time if hes into me and thinks everything hes doing/saying is encouraged by god. Plus I'm gay and since he got back into religion he's made a lot of off-hand comments implying he thinks I'd be better off of i wasnt and combined with him preaching in that gc I just don't wanna give him hope that he's gonna convert me or smth. He is a good guy and im sure if someone irl would actually notice and help him then he would be okay but it might take a lot for that to happen :/
ultimately i still think blocking him was the best option but if anyone disagrees I'd be interested to hear why and maybe reconsider. Mostly tho I just wanted to write through the basics of what happened bc that night was very hurtful for me. I really do miss him :(
It's hard bc I'm the one who blocked him and ultimately I'm not sure if that was the right choice but idk I feel like long term it's gotta be the best thing for him.
He's had problems with alcoholism and recently had been trying to quit after a trip he had where a lot of impactful events happened (not gonna go into specifics the only detail that matters is I'm pretty sure this trip kinda triggered all of this including the wanting to quit alc) and when he came back he quickly became religious again and seemed a lot more positive but simultaneously unstable like he started focusing entirely on other ppl and God and I get that helps some people but it seemed to be a very extreme change especially since it was so sudden. He also started having episodes where he basically seems to be super delusional and it always goes back to religion.
Anyway with this most recent episode he started ranting in a gc because he somehow was convinced that all of our mutual friends are actually just me on alt accounts (although we've been in vc several times, he wasn't really able to think logically at this point from what I could tell) so he mentioned some really personal stuff about me which kinda upset me given it was a groupchat. He also kept telling me he loved me and was like typing whole paragraphs about how I don't need to keep lying and how he's scared I'm gonna go to hell and he seemed to believe that he had more insight than us into what's 'true' in terms of religion and started describing hallucinations as signs of god communicating with him but also as reminders of me (e.g. bc I like bugs if he sees or feels them he thinks of me). During this i tried to dm him and even ended up removing him from the group but he didn't respond.
So yeah I decided to block him after getting no reply (i did wait beforehand) bc he was talking about me a lot in ways I felt uncomfortable with and i don't really wanna encourage that by continuing to interact with him everyday especially given that he thought basically everyone we speak to online is me. I know he doesn't think that genuinely but I figured blocking is best to prevent it coming up and freaking him out again since it's impossible to disprove when he's in that state especially bc we only know each other online.
Now it's been 25 days and idk I just miss him and part of me regrets blocking him but also surely that's the best thing for him right? I don't know anybody who knows him irl or anything so removing myself was kinda the only helpful thing I could do that i can think of. But then again idk because he's pretty isolated irl from what he's told me so I'm not sure if he'll just keep talking to ppl online and getting worse. Which makes me think maybe I should not have blocked him bc now I can't even make sure he's okay. But also idk because I can't really help him either bc situations like this are gonna come up all the time if hes into me and thinks everything hes doing/saying is encouraged by god. Plus I'm gay and since he got back into religion he's made a lot of off-hand comments implying he thinks I'd be better off of i wasnt and combined with him preaching in that gc I just don't wanna give him hope that he's gonna convert me or smth. He is a good guy and im sure if someone irl would actually notice and help him then he would be okay but it might take a lot for that to happen :/
ultimately i still think blocking him was the best option but if anyone disagrees I'd be interested to hear why and maybe reconsider. Mostly tho I just wanted to write through the basics of what happened bc that night was very hurtful for me. I really do miss him :(
