Venting I lost the only person that mattered to me

[deep-sleeper]

I lost her and it's entirely my fault

My constant neediness, emotional unpredictability, lack of filters, reassurance-seeking, ruminations, jealousy and just overall obsessiveness made her finally leave me

Depending on how the next few interactions with her go(we are basically barely-no-contact now). I think I will just ctb this month or the next one. Not only because I don't think I can just be alone again, but I also don't want her to be continuously hurt by me

 

[frayed]

your emotion dysregulation and insecure attachment style cannot be entirely your fault. arguably you could have done better, possibly with some help and intention. we gotta admit though that relationships or friendships or whatever sort of -ships can be kinda difficult when we carry that sort of fragility. still, we can get better. it's been done before. be kind to yourself in the meantime if you can. you deserve it.

 

[deep-sleeper]

your emotion dysregulation and insecure attachment style cannot be entirely your fault. arguably you could have done better, possibly with some help and intention. we gotta admit though that relationships or friendships or whatever sort of -ships can be kinda difficult when we carry that sort of fragility. still, we can get better. it's been done before. be kind to yourself in the meantime if you can. you deserve it.

Thx man, but due to personal reasons, I sadly can't be kind to myself

 

[kunikuzushi]

I 100% feel this so much. I'm really sorry you lost her. I know the extreme pain and the anxiety of having to be alone after this. If you want to keep trying with the relationship and she gives you another chance, I believe in you. But whatever happens I wish you comfort and peace.

 

[deep-sleeper]

I 100% feel this so much. I'm really sorry you lost her. I know the extreme pain and the anxiety of having to be alone after this. If you want to keep trying with the relationship and she gives you another chance, I believe in you. But whatever happens I wish you comfort and peace.

I don't think I deserve a 2nd change, she gave me so many already…

The worst feeling about this is watching as I slowly become the same husk that I was before knowing her

 

[kunikuzushi]

I don't think I deserve a 2nd change, she gave me so many already…

The worst feeling about this is watching as I slowly become the same husk that I was before knowing her

Yes I know the feeling of going back to how you were without someone. It's so painful. I don't know your exact situation, but I hope you're able to talk to her to say everything you need to.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

I lost her and it's entirely my fault

My constant neediness, emotional unpredictability, lack of filters, reassurance-seeking, ruminations, jealousy and just overall obsessiveness made her finally leave me

Depending on how the next few interactions with her go(we are basically barely-no-contact now). I think I will just ctb this month or the next one. Not only because I don't think I can just be alone again, but I also don't want her to be continuously hurt by me

Bro I understand the self blaming but respectfully I think you're seeing things from roses colored glasses.AND I'm hoping other people back me when I say that it is never your fault when someone leaves you unless you abuse them.

She knew you were clingy and jealous.
And she sounds like she decided to use these things she accepted about you as her "reasoning". But the right one will stay. Throughout my life I have blamed myself for people leaving but in all actuality, I believe those people stayed when I was convenient for them... I was simply their in-between person, and nothing I could have done would of made them stay... At least not at the cost of my happiness.

Now I'm married and I'm actually in recovery and doing a thousand times better than I ever imagined I would. If you don't mind my suggestions... Work on yourself and work on yourself regulating as well as not getting attached for at least a couple months with someone new.
And really, just go on dating and go out for coffee or milkshakes, something light but something that can give you clarity that you are attractive and that the person who left missed out on someone who loved them deeply. You got to get back on that horse because someone just saved you the rest of your life by showing they weren't committed to you. It definitely hurts now, but it's not gonna heal without nursing your wounds because what's really hurt is your perspective.

I hope at least someone else backs me up on those because you definitely need to know that as much as you loved the person who left ... And as mind-boggling as it might sound... They were not your perspective of who you thought they were. Because if they were they would have stayed. Stay strong and remember you got this.