I know how it will end

[Abyss Dweller]

I think I knew when I registered on here that I'm on a railroad leading to CTB one day.
I don't feel capable of beating or living with pure O. And I don't wish to find out what horseshit my mind will come up next.

'Best case' scenario I'll wait until my dad passes.

Next session with the psychologist will be the last. I'm ending it as it doesn't help at all.
I'll keep the psychiatrist and hope for a miracle..

 

[timf]

Sometimes people can come to feel that their life is on a trajectory that has a dead end as a destination. Some may have even tried to make changes, but feel trapped. Sometimes as the dead increases, one can lose all hope. If you are able to still experiment, it may be possible to do something that gives some enjoyment and can act as a source of hope that you can slowly change your trajectory.

You might experiment with the artistic field such as drawing, painting, music, writing, etc.The goal would be to find something you enjoy and can give a sense of feeling in control (even if for only an hour or two to start).

You might experiment with groups such as toastmaster (for public speaking), amateur radio, political groups, a small church, volunteer groups, or book clubs. Such groups can provide opportunities to meet people who might be able to take you out of yourself for a while and see if that reduces the intensity that can amplify one's foreboding.

 

[Abyss Dweller]

Sometimes people can come to feel that their life is on a trajectory that has a dead end as a destination. Some may have even tried to make changes, but feel trapped. Sometimes as the dead increases, one can lose all hope. If you are able to still experiment, it may be possible to do something that gives some enjoyment and can act as a source of hope that you can slowly change your trajectory.

You might experiment with the artistic field such as drawing, painting, music, writing, etc.The goal would be to find something you enjoy and can give a sense of feeling in control (even if for only an hour or two to start).

You might experiment with groups such as toastmaster (for public speaking), amateur radio, political groups, a small church, volunteer groups, or book clubs. Such groups can provide opportunities to meet people who might be able to take you out of yourself for a while and see if that reduces the intensity that can amplify one's foreboding.

I have an interest (programming) that is keeping me busy enough but I can't say its worth living for.