I just wish I could be erased from existence

[Meimi18]

My friends already seem to be so much happier with each other y'know? I don't want to get in the way of that anymore, but I can't disappear either

I don't want to keep planning how to die, I promised to live, but I don't know how to make them forget about me now that so much focus has been put on me. It's going to take so long for me to fade into the background again

God I just want them to be happy, I can't keep holding them down like this,
I'm thinking maybe I just keep talking to them until they find out it's not worth the effort and leave, I can't tell if I'm delusional anymore

 

[The Silly Sluggy]

You're not delusional, I've felt the exact same way before. It sucks. Sorry you gotta deal with the bad draw in life...

Here's to hoping things get better for you later down the road.

 

[Kit1]

My friends already seem to be so much happier with each other y'know? I don't want to get in the way of that anymore, but I can't disappear either

I don't want to keep planning how to die, I promised to live, but I don't know how to make them forget about me now that so much focus has been put on me. It's going to take so long for me to fade into the background again

God I just want them to be happy, I can't keep holding them down like this,
I'm thinking maybe I just keep talking to them until they find out it's not worth the effort and leave, I can't tell if I'm delusional anymore

Sounds like your friends really do care about you and would you consider giving them a chance to look after you whilst you consider reaching out for professional support and working on yourself around self care, raising self esteem etc?

What I have suggested sounds easy and I can understand that this is quite difficult as I am a total hypocrite and struggle to take my own advice. But perhaps just trying it out..,