Im so bloody tired of my self. I had it all and ruined my life. Got a full ride to med school and wasted 4 years almost dropping out. I don't even know what to do anymore. 4 years of my life gone to dust. How can i deal with this. I've been suicidal for so long but now I'm scared to commit. I'm scared of partial and its the only one i can actually do because i can't get anything else. I'm scared guys. I'm really hurting.
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LMLN
Paragon
- Aug 10, 2019
- 929
I am so sorry you are hurting. I'm sorry you are scared. All I can say is we are here for you. You are not a mistake, and medical school does not determine your worth. Sending peace and love. 
K-O
FU(KOFFEE
- Apr 16, 2020
- 1,462
hey there' i dont know you..
but personally i don't believe in waste.. it took me 6 years to finish my MA i dropped out twice in the middle..
life also happens while you're a student.. its ok mate!
nothing you study and experience in this life is a wast..
the pressure while in academy is fucking on! sometimes it is destructive to stay at any cost..
you dont have to commit to anything.. not school.. not others.. not your past decisions or past self.. you are free! and if you are scared, you should take some time and be kind to yourself in ways you can..
the "prestige" of med school and that kind of mentality can also be altered..
you dont have to mold yourself into something that isn't right for you - even if it makes you seemingly "fail" we learn from exactly those things.. we grow from "mistakes"..
systems can create wrongful self image and loathing..
its not designed in a humane way.. don't let that dictate your self worth..
x
fantasy_function
only way left is out
- May 13, 2020
- 190
u can die anytime w the right method n tools. u can die tomorrow or a decade from now if u decide 2. i can't speak 4 u or ur state of mind, but i figure if ur suicidal but scared 2 follow thru w suicide, there's gotta be smth holding u back. i would give some weight 2 that smth if it's stronger than ur will to end ur life
The college is allowing me to come back and if i work hard i may even secure a residency....its a long shot and im so scared and the fact that i had it all before losing it due to my own mistakes literally kills me
fantasy_function
only way left is out
- May 13, 2020
- 190
oh shit!! hell of an opportunity, big congrats 2 u. i've fucked a good amount along the way. it's fucking hard, isn't it? my failures still haunt me years down the line. but! bottom line--u made some mistakes. i don't know anyone who hasn't fucked smth up 1 way or another. shit happens, by ur own fault or not. it sounds like u have smth good on the horizon, n i'm happy 4 u. good luck w school, n fingers crossed the residency works out
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