Venting I just need someone to talk

[albert_camus]

I'm sorry, I just need someone to "talk" about it. I just need to vent, I don't have anyone to talk about these things (obviously). I went to a party yesterday, had too much alcohol for my mental state, met my ex again (I still miss her, even tho I'm still mad af), saw some friends (I feel like I'm drifting away from my friends) and the moment I arrived at home I felt like shit (even more than before), soo I kinda stopped for a minute, deciding what to do, "told" some people that I love 'em and then I took my scarf and I kinda tried to ctb, but I was too afraid that I'd survive (again)+ idk it also felt weird knowing if I pass out I probably won't ever wake up again and my parents would find me in the morning, so after considering for about 45min I decided to go to sleep, but I'm not really happy about my decision. I'm 99% sure that I'll ctb sooner or later, prolly as soon as my parents are no longer here, so tbh, I just should have done it. I'm in such a weird mental state rn. Idk what to do. I don't even know why exactly I did it. Maybe I just should keep going for a lil longer, finally speak my mind and idk...
I'm such an idiot.

 

[saltytears]

You sound young and in situational depression--sad b/c of ex girlfriend? spilling over to your relationships with friends, etc...adding alcohol makes things so much worse and blurs clear thinking. You are totally not an idiot and seem compassionate b/c of what this would do to your parents. There are so so many people who have been in your shoes and felt as you feel and then life situations change...maybe not tomorrow, but given a little time, new opportunities, new relationships and jobs, places to live. Definitely seek out some professional help = even just a therapist-not talking about meds....just someone to give you insight, coping strategies, ideas and resources to move forward. You can get through this...

 

[Alpenglow]

Hey ^^ Just wanted to let you know I'm here if you need anyone. We can also talk about absurdism in general, I only have vague knowledge about the concept tho ^^'

 

[albert_camus]

Hey, I'm not really situational depressed, but it's totally true that my current situation isn't helping. (Atm it's a bit better.)
I'm in therapy since I'm 11/12 and I'm taking antidepressants since I'm 12/13, I don't even know anymore. So I'm pretty sure I won't heal, at least not fully.
I met my ex girlfriend yesterday and it was helpful, because I finally told her what I wanted to tell her during our breakup, but I couldn't at the time. Now (nearly) everything is said and it's up to her and I feel relieved. Now I have to concentrate on university and I'm really struggling with my non-existing motivation.

 

[albert_camus]

Hey ^^ Just wanted to let you know I'm here if you need anyone. We can also talk about absurdism in general, I only have vague knowledge about the concept tho ^^'

Hi, thank you very much. :) Sure!

 

[Plutopolis]

Hello! I feel like I understand your pain. Obviously not exactly, maybe only slightly. But I am going through heartbreak which has really made me feel like ending it. I know I wont, but the thoughts are overwhelming and the emotional pain is at times too much to handle. If you want to talk more about it don't hesitate to message me, I also need to vent it as part of the struggle is not being able to share it with anyone.

 

[albert_camus]

Hello! I feel like I understand your pain. Obviously not exactly, maybe only slightly. But I am going through heartbreak which has really made me feel like ending it. I know I wont, but the thoughts are overwhelming and the emotional pain is at times too much to handle. If you want to talk more about it don't hesitate to message me, I also need to vent it as part of the struggle is not being able to share it with anyone.

Sure! The breakup wasn't the reason for my slewersidal thoughts (in my case), but I didn't even wanted it to end and she made me happy... kinda and sometimes, I mean, some of her actions were pretty shitty and she couldn't relate to my mental health problems, but that's okay and not her responsibility. The sad part is, that I wanted to work on it, trying to learn to cope with her polyamory, trying to find solutions, but it was way too much and way too fast for me at the time and she didn't understand. I think now, after me telling her what I wanted to get off my chest, she does understand. We'll see. Maybe there's a second chance for us, maybe not.

If u want to, you can dm me and tell me about your story.

 

[Plutopolis]

Sure! The breakup wasn't the reason for my slewersidal thoughts (in my case), but I didn't even wanted it to end and she made me happy... kinda and sometimes, I mean, some of her actions were pretty shitty and she couldn't relate to my mental health problems, but that's okay and not her responsibility. The sad part is, that I wanted to work on it, trying to learn to cope with her polyamory, trying to find solutions, but it was way too much and way too fast for me at the time and she didn't understand. I think now, after me telling her what I wanted to get off my chest, she does understand. We'll see. Maybe there's a second chance for us, maybe not.

If u want to, you can dm me and tell me about your story.

Hey, it's not letting me dm as it says I don't have permission. It's a little late for me now so I'll respond more tomorrow and hopefully the issue with dm might be fixed.