Venting I have decided to kill myself by the end of 2021

[Viceroy]

I think its important to set a limit if you've suffered for years and years and years and cant find any relief. Its almost 10 years that I've been totally alone, in poor health/disabled, unable to work/education, no romance, no friends, no value as a human being. Its not life when you're devoid of these things. When I get a brief memory of what my life used to be like, with some of these things in it, then I come back to life almost immediately and feel alive again. But its just a memory and when I forget it and come back into my current life it hurts even harder. I can't believe what my life has become. This could have been avoided quite easily. I did everything I could to not let it get like this, but others in my life totally failed and ignored me which caused some extremely serious health problems which should and could have been avoided. Im always fucking ignored. All my life I've been treated like im fucking stupid and not worth listening to and look whats happened now lol. How can I even go on when so much of my life has been ruined so needlessly? I literally feel destroyed. I literally have to disassociate from reality cause its just so fucked. All day long the thoughts of dying run around in my head!!!

So I've decided. Seeing as things just seem to get less and less hopeful for me, I will no longer force myself to endure the suffering and misery. If things don't improve then I will kill myself before the end of 2021 at the latest. I wish the pro-life scum would just let us have access to pentobarbital so we could die IN PEACE. The best thing here is SN which isn't without its difficulties.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm glad you've decided to wait if things improve. I'm in your shoes.
Any specific method on mind? I might try partial hanging once again.

 

[Viceroy]

I'm glad you've decided to wait if things improve. I'm in your shoes.
Any specific method on mind? I might try partial hanging once again.

OD on various things. Ideally, I'd like a GHB death but sometimes its not reliable. So, instead maybe I could get N or use SN with something else to help me black out before SN has its effects.

 

[Steamm]

You got time to think about it clearly

 

[Spitfire]

I had this neighbor living in an apartment across from me back when I was in college. He had this little black kitten he saved that he was holding onto and bottle feeding at the time on the day when I first met him.

He was really smart with chemistry. He was always cooking on his kitchen stove to brew and combine a chemical substance that was being supplied to him with other common chemicals that he would buy from the hardware store and making GHB. He always said GHB was his ticket out of later on in the future. I wonder how he is doing if he is still around?

I hear you on the other.. I hope the best for you, and thanks for sharing this here with us about yourself.

 

[sadworld]

It's a good idea to give yourself some time. Maybe things somehow change to the better.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

You have a lot of time to think. If I'm alive by then I'm a masochist.